(Un)Notice Me (1/5)

[kaisooficrec]

Title: (Un)Notice Me Rating: NC-17 Word Count: ~31,500 words Side Pairings: onesided!Baekyeol, onesided!Chansoo Genre: Highschool!AU, romance, fluff, smut Warnings: sexual situations, implied top!kai, frottage, some language, colorist themes, colorist language*, homophobic themes, mentions of violence/bullying, slight angst Summary: Kyungsoo has spent his entire life trying not to be noticed. Jongin notices him anyway. A/N: This was written originally because I love Jongin’s skin and I think it deserves to be celebrated. It ended up being longer than I intended and about a lot more than that. Also a huge thanks to Nina (osh-soo & Admin H) who beta-ed my story for me and gave me the encouragement I needed to just finish this dang thing. I hope it turned out okay! Disclaimer: This is not an accurate representation of the South Korean school system or *colorism in the South Korean culture, so please do not view it as such. I know very little on the subject, just that Jongin, in particular, is teased for his darker skin tone. This is all purely used for the sake of the story’s plot and is not to be viewed as a lesson on Korean culture. Also, the negative or colorist language does not reflect my views on skin color at all. This is also not a factual representation of social anxiety, social disorders, or anxiety in general. It is only written as it is for the sake of plot. I know everyone is different, anxiety ranges and varies by person, so please do not use this story as a means of factual representation. Kyungsoo wouldn’t necessarily call himself unpopular. Mostly because calling himself unpopular would mean that people actually know who he is and, then, actively choose not to like him. But it’s not that people don’t like Kyungsoo, it’s that people don’t know Kyungsoo. People don’t notice him or even know he exists, and therefore, cannot decide whether or not he is likeable. Kyungsoo thinks he’s just boring and bland, not to mention smaller than other boys his age, not worthy of attention anyway. And while any normal person may find this lack of attention somewhat disheartening or lonely, Kyungsoo doesn’t mind. He doesn’t want to be noticed. In fact, he can’t be noticed, because if he is ever under the gazes of more than one person at a time it overwhelms Kyungsoo, gives him excessive anxiety. Too much attention makes his vision blur, his heart rate skyrocket, and his sweat glands go into overdrive. Too much attention makes his mind go blank and his entire body tremble until he is too dizzy to stand and passes out. Some call it social anxiety, but Kyungsoo isn’t so sure what it is. It’s one of those situations where Kyungsoo can’t even make a speech or give a presentation in front of his classmates without breaking out in a sweat. So he doesn’t. His teachers know this and, in response, let him present after class- in front of only them. Yet he has friends and he can hold conversations with a person or two. The more comfortable he is with someone, the easier it is. He’s a quiet person naturally, but that’s not an abnormal thing and has nothing to do with his problems with attention. He can’t even remember why he’s the way he is. He isn’t sure when it happened or how it even developed, all he remembers is that he wasn’t always like this. There was a period in his life when he could stand up in front of a class back when he was very young, so maybe something traumatic happened to him in the past that his mind chose to forget. Either way, he’s merely chosen to spend the past three and a half years of high school flying under the radar and now, since he’s only got a little over half a year left before he graduates, he prefers to keep it that way. Kyungsoo may have friends, but his friends are obnoxious as hell. Many people find their antics and general loudness a great annoyance, but Kyungsoo doesn’t mind because in a way, it helps him stay unnoticed, hidden behind the stupidity of his louder friends’. It also steers other people away from them, and therefore, away from Kyungsoo. So he can’t really complain, and anyway, he likes his friends the way they are. But his friends also suck, he decides one day, when he walks into the crowded library for his last period study hall and finds every single table is full. He curses staying behind a few extra minutes to ask his teacher a question, resulting in that he was late to study hall. Final exams are in two weeks and he forgot that meant everyone, especially the seniors, have to stay in the library during their free periods whether they want to be there or not. It doesn’t help that a crowded library is especially overwhelming for Kyungsoo. He darts his eyes around the room quickly and finally spots his friends at a square table in the corner, the good table, as Kyungsoo refers to it, because it’s next to the window and far away from the rest of the tables and other students and just humans in general. But as he begins to step in that direction he sighs and stops in his tracks when he notices that all four seats are taken. His friends didn’t save him a seat. His friends suck. He’s not sure what he expected though. His friend group does contain five members and clearly, when they all became friends, they weren’t planning ahead for when they had to sit at four-person square tables in the library. But what gets him is that his friends aren’t even doing homework. Rather, Chanyeol has folded up his homework into a paper football and is flicking it toward the goal Jongdae is creating with his fingers, cackling when it bounces of Jongdae’s face and onto the floor. Baekhyun is very blatantly texting under the table, his changing expressions signify that he is taking selcas (and from an awful angle, Kyungsoo briefly thinks, since he has to keep his phone hidden during the school day). And Yixing just sits there leaning back in his chair, earbuds in his ears and eyes closed. There’s not a single notebook in front of him. Kyungsoo almost rolls his eyes, he’s not even trying. Normally Kyungsoo wouldn’t be so picky about where he sits, but this is finals week and his friends know he has a weak spot for the good table. They know that table helps him do well when he studies, sitting at it almost guaranteed he would do well on his exams. Maybe he’s just being superstitious. He’s dramatic, he knows that. It’s stupid to upset over not getting a seat at his favorite table. He’s completely aware that it is, but it still gives him this uneasy feeling in his stomach he has to suppress. Chanyeol’s eyes suddenly flicker in his direction before he pokes Baekhyun. Baekhyun instantly looks up at Chanyeol in question and Chanyeol points in Kyungsoo’s direction with a teasing smirk. They both start to snicker at him, probably because Kyungsoo is still standing in the middle of the library like a complete idiot. Kyungsoo just rolls his eyes at them. Idiot friends. Luckily, no one else in the room has seemed to notice Kyungsoo walk into the library, too immersed in their end of the semester work to care. Except for his friends, of course, because they aren’t doing work. But then he sees Chanyeol pointing to somewhere across the library, toward a table, the only table that has one student sitting at it and three empty seats, so Kyungsoo sighs another time and walks in the direction opposite his friends. He has no other choice. One person is okay, he thinks, at least he’s not sitting a table full of three people he doesn’t know who will all stare at him and wonder why he’s there and judge him for every move he makes. The table is also in a far corner, far away from the rest of the students in the library, but at the opposite end of his friends. The closer Kyungsoo gets to the table the more he realizes he definitely doesn’t recognize the student sitting there. He vaguely remembers hearing something about a new student transferring to their school in the last couple of weeks, so he deduces that this must be him. After deep breath, because Kyungsoo still isn’t the most outgoing despite being alright talking with just one person, Kyungsoo walks up to the table. The boy is looking down, eyes glued to his textbook and Kyungsoo can’t help but mentally approve his study habits. At least he’s doing his work, unlike his idiot friends. Kyungsoo clears his throat quietly. The boy doesn’t flinch, still looking at his textbook with narrowed eyes. “Uh- Can I sit here?” He asks, albeit awkwardly. As only Kyungsoo would ask. At this the boy’s shoulders tense, visibly startled by Kyungsoo’s voice and Kyungsoo feels bad for startling him from whatever work he was so focused on. But then eyes look up to meet his and Kyungsoo finds his apology die in the back of his throat. Instead he just stares blankly because, wow, okay, this boy is cute. And he didn’t expect it. He lets his eyes stare a little longer than normal, awing at his dark, chocolate irises and coffee-color dyed hair that sweeps messily to the side. As if he had run his fingers through it a few moments earlier and then just left it like that. He’s breathtaking, literally, but he’s especially cute looking up at Kyungsoo in that moment, full lips formed into a slight pout as if he had just been scowling down at his textbook, but when he sees Kyungsoo standing there his face instantly switches to a more neutral expression and it’s as if he were never pouting in the first place. “S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just… there’s no more seats left… so.” Kyungsoo wishes he was better with words. He doesn’t want this new kid to think he isn’t worthy of having someone sit with him otherwise, but of course, that’s how it sounds. He wonders briefly if his slight stutter has to do with his general social anxiety or the fact that he wasn’t expecting the boy to have such nice eyes. “Go ahead,” the boy responds and Kyungsoo is surprised at how smooth his voice sounds, mainly because he’s comparing it to the awkward stutter Kyungsoo let slip. If someone didn’t know any better, they’d probably think Kyungsoo was the one that was new to the school. Under the boy’s gaze, Kyungsoo slides into the seat across from him and begins pulling out his work. He’s completely aware that the boy’s eyes are still on him, but he tries to ignore it. All the while, Kyungsoo wonders to himself how this boy doesn’t have a single friend to sit with. Kyungsoo isn’t one to pre-judge someone, but it’s not like he looks funny. It’s not like he looks a nerd. The opposite actually. He seems completely normal (if absolutely beautiful is considered normal), he has nice facial features (better than nice), silky hair and broad shoulders. But then Kyungsoo remembers that he is new. He probably had tons of friends back at his old school and just hasn’t made any here yet. It must suck, transferring to a new school halfway through your senior year. Once he feels the boy stop looking at him and toward his textbook again, Kyungsoo relaxes a little and zeroes in on his own pile of work. Students trickle out of the library as the next few hours drag on, the final bell indicating the end of the school day went off almost two hours ago. And even though more and more tables open up, Kyungsoo doesn’t move and neither does the new kid. Kyungsoo could have moved to another table hours ago, but he doesn’t see the purpose in moving now. He decides he likes this table-mate because he hasn’t been loud or distracting. Well, he’s been a little distracting, but in a different way. One that forces Kyungsoo to sneak an occasional glance, thoughts and questions about his above average appearance running through his mind a few times. But other than that, the boy has been otherwise tolerable to study across from. He even notices that he’s been staring at the same text book for almost an hour. Kyungsoo can’t exactly complain. When Kyungsoo finishes his last page of notes he had been copying from his book, he puts his pencil down and lets out an exhale. He stretches, finally taking a look around the room. Not many people remain; a few random students sprawled out among tables and then Chanyeol, who is writing something furiously into his notebook, probably finally getting some work done now that Jongdae isn’t around to distract him. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo leave close and take the bus together, so Chanyeol always waits and finishes his work. Only this time Baekhyun sits next to him, packing up his things at a snail’s pace. It’s something he’s started doing a lot lately, staying after with them even when he doesn’t have to, though Kyungsoo doesn’t really understand why he does it. When Baekhyun finally finishes packing his things he tells Chanyeol he’s leaving. Before he can stand Chanyeol finally looks up from where he is writing, reaches his hand out to ruffle Baekhyun’s hair and laughs at him when he pouts and slaps his hand away with a huff. The whole ordeal has Baekhyun shuffling out of the library blushing and combing fingers through his hair as he leaves. “Are you a senior?” Kyungsoo is shaken from his thoughts and turns with a start toward the source of the unexpected question. Sure enough, his wide eyes meet a pretty pair from the boy across from him, all sparkling in interest. The boy smirks a little bit, as if amused by Kyungsoo’s surprised expression, but waits patiently for his response. “Y-yes,” Kyungsoo stutters, the boy’s smirk widens and if Kyungsoo weren’t so intently drawn into his eyes, he might not have seen the way they light up just slightly, but then the boy scratches the back of his head timidly and looks up at Kyungsoo through his lashes. It’s an interesting mix of expressions that kind of keeps Kyungsoo staring. “Are you smart?” Kyungsoo blinks. That’s a strange question, though he isn’t sure how to even answer it. He isn’t the top student in his class, but he knows he really could be, if he wanted. Unfortunately, he’s painfully aware that being at the top of the class would just cause him to gain some sort of limelight like the current top students: class president, Kim Junmyeon, and Kim Minseok, a jock who is mostly smart without even trying, so it’s really just a precaution that he strays somewhere above the average and below the top ranks. However, it’s actually gotten to the point where he purposely has to get a few answers wrong on tests just to keep his grades in check. But Kyungsoo can’t explain all that to Jongin so Kyungsoo simply gives a tentative nod. “Do you understand partial derivatives?” Of course, Kyungsoo thinks, but he merely nods again. “Do you mind explaining them to me? We didn’t learn that unit at my old school yet and I heard it’s all over the midterm exam.” Kyungsoo’s eyes are still big when he finally nods and reaches toward his backpack to take out his calculus notebook. He opens to a page of notes from a couple months back and turns it towards Jongin, leaning forward to begin his explanation since they are in the library and they can’t talk very loud. As he explains, he isn’t sure how much the new kid is picking up on. He nods every so often indicating that he is listening. But as he speaks he can’t help but feel that the eyes are on him rather than his notes and he has to look up, face heating up at the close proximity. The boy averts his eyes quickly though, looking down at the notebook as if he wasn’t caught staring and nodding again with a soft “mhm.” Kyungsoo ignores the way his heart palpitates softly and continues on. “Did that help at all?” Kyungsoo asks a few moments later, looking up and meeting the boy’s eyes again. They are still on him and strangely intense and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to think of them, though he’s beginning to think maybe his eyes are always like that- glistening with curiosity and emotion. He nods and leans back, “I think so.” “Let me know if you need any more help,” Kyungsoo offers even though he’s convinced this new kid didn’t follow a thing and will probably never seek out his help ever again. But instead the boy flashes him a blinding smile, all white teeth and crescent shaped eyes and Kyungsoo can feel his body tingle, prickles travelling all down his arms and up to his face, most likely making it a nice shade of pink. He didn’t think this boy could get any more beautiful. He tries to ignore his shaky fingers as he slides his notebook into his backpack, but then the boy speaks up again. “I’m Kim Jongin,” he says. “W-what?” Kyungsoo asks, his eyes widening into perfect spheres as he looks up from his bag, clearly taken aback by the fact that this beautiful human is still talking to him. “My name, it’s Kim Jongin,” he tells him again. “Oh, I-I’m Do Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo stumbles over his words for the umpteenth time. He can feel his face begin to sport an even darker shade of red than before and he hates himself in that moment. He doesn’t even know why he’s reacting this way, why he feels so warm. He’s never felt this way before and he knows it has nothing to do with his anxiety. “Kyungsoo,” Jongin repeats the name, like he’s trying it out on his tongue, and Kyungsoo quivers at how nice it sounds. Jongin stands up then and swings his backpack over his shoulder and Kyungsoo can’t stop himself from eyeing his tall form. He couldn’t tell what his height was while they were sitting, and now that he’s standing Kyungsoo sees that he is long and lean, and Kyungsoo seriously wonders if this boy has any bad physical qualities. “Well, I’ll see you around Kyungsoo. Thanks again,” he says before tossing him another charming smile and walking off. It takes every muscle in Kyungsoo’s body to keep himself from turning and watching Jongin’s backside as he saunters out the door. “How was sitting with the dark kid?” Kyungsoo had been staring forward, thoughts of Jongin and his dark eyes and tall physique still lingering his head for whatever reason, but he looks up at Chanyeol who is walking by his side down the hallway and toward the front doors of the school. “Who?” Chanyeol looks confused by his question. “You know… the kid you were sitting across from in the library?” Chanyeol points behind him vaguely, brows furrowed, “the dark kid?” “Are you talking about Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks. It’s peculiar, saying his name out loud, in that it sends an odd buzz down his spine. “Ah so that’s his name,” Chanyeol nods, “It’s just that he’s new and no one really knows his name yet. Everyone’s just been calling him ‘the dark kid.’” Kyungsoo wouldn’t say he’s up on all the gossip, but he never thought he was that oblivious. He had barely heard that there was a new student, nor had he heard a single person referring to a new kid by that name. He hadn’t even really noticed Jongin had darker skin either, just that he was attractive. Very attractive. But now that he thinks about it, maybe his skin tone had been part of the reason Kyungsoo was so inevitably drawn to looking at him. Maybe it’s why he found Jongin so unique and stunning in appearance. “I wasn’t aware that we were still in middle school,” Kyungsoo remarks simply, referring to the immature nickname Jongin was given and his tone a little more biting than he intends. But it’s true, he hasn’t heard a comment about someone’s skin tone since middle school, he thought people were over that stage of teasing and he thinks it’s stupid. “I-I didn’t mean it that way,” Chanyeol tries, looking oddly nervous, “It’s just what other people were calling him, you know?” Kyungsoo nods, he knew Chanyeol didn’t mean the comment to be malicious, knows he was only quoting everyone else. Kyungsoo is struck with concern at this strange urge to defend Jongin. He doesn’t know Jongin, and he will probably never know him. The next day Kyungsoo hears it. He’s not sure if he’s been listening for it or not. “He’s so hot,” a girl suddenly says, clearly mid-discussion with her friend as they line up right behind Kyungsoo in the lunch line, “but I don’t know. His skin is just… it’s, you know, dark.” Kyungsoo’s ears perk up at that and he suddenly finds himself listening in on the girls’ conversation and momentarily becoming frazzled when the lunch lady asks him what kind of fruit he would like. Since Kyungsoo is practically a nobody the girls pay him no mind though. Probably assuming he wouldn’t be listening in on the conversation about how hot the school’s new (male) student is. “You don’t like it?” The friend asks, “I think his skin color makes him look sexy.” Her friend slaps her playfully at her ‘scandalous’ word choice and they both giggle about it. But it leaves Kyungsoo trying not to think about Jongin and the word ‘sexy’ in one sentence, only now it’s stuck there and he bites his lip. “You have a thing for dark guys?” She laughs then. The line moves forward and Kyungsoo practically stumbles into the person ahead of him. “Yah!” The girl turns defensive, like she is upset or offended at the accusation, “I just think his skin color looks good on him!” Her friend hums. “I don’t think you have a chance with him, anyway. I mean, he doesn’t really talk to anyone, or have any friends. He seems quiet.” The girl sighs and then whispers, “maybe he feels uncomfortable, you know, because of his skin.” Kyungsoo eventually reaches the end of the line where he has to pay and walk away from their conversation, but he’s walking to his lunch table lost in thought again- wondering how he didn’t notice Jongin’s skin at all when apparently the entire school has. When apparently the entire school feels it’s something to actually discuss, something that is a big deal. He thinks that maybe he really is oblivious. He and Jongin don’t have any classes together (not that Kyungsoo was looking or anything) so Kyungsoo attributes that to why he never knew he existed until the afternoon prior. But he does see Jongin in the hall near the end of the day, not because he is seeking him out at all, but because the entire student body sees him and turns to look at him as he walks by. All he’s doing is walking alone, earbuds in his ears and hands in his pockets. He keeps to himself with a soft, solemn expression on his face and a relaxed saunter as he makes his way down the hall. From where he stands, Kyungsoo can’t tell if Jongin is just simply unaware of the attention he gets, because there are masses of stares in his direction, gawking or swooning from most of the girls, and even just teasing words exchanged between some of the boys who pass him, or if Jongin is just skillfully ignoring it. Maybe he’s used to it, all the attention. Maybe he’s gotten attention all his life and it barely fazes him anymore. Because as he walks down the hall, he’s garnering attention like an idol walking through an airport full of fans. Kyungsoo has no idea if it’s solely because he’s a new, unfamiliar student, if it’s because of his skin, or if it’s because he has celebrity looks. It’s probably a combination of all three. Either way, Kyungsoo sets his jaw and shivers at the mere thought of ever having that many eyes at him at all times, the way Jongin does. If it were Kyungsoo in that position, he would be feeling dizzy and blacking out by now. He doesn’t glance at Jongin again, he can’t, the strain in his chest can’t take it, so he opts to lower his head and walk to his next class through crowd of loud students, unnoticed and unseen, right where he likes to be. Kyungsoo doesn’t feel the one pair of eyes that follows him. Later that afternoon, Kyungsoo totally doesn’t linger in the hallway before study hall so that he has an excuse to sit with Jongin again. Definitely not. He wouldn’t know what came over him if he did such a thing. But somehow he ends up being the last student to enter the library, even though he really didn’t mean to. He swears. And it just so happens there is only one table with available seats, the same table as the day before, and a single person sitting at it, staring down at his textbook. His feet begin moving without really consulting with his brain first, and he finds himself across the library, taking a seat across from Jongin. If Kyungsoo had noticed Jongin from afar before he met him, he would never have thought that he’d form a friendship with him in the future. In hindsight, Jongin’s too tall, too attractive, too unattainable, even as a friend. Just as the girls behind him in the lunch line had pointed out, he doesn’t really talk to anyone, he hasn’t really tried to make friends. At least not yet. And it seems that the rest of the students are too intimidated to befriend him or just too busy teasing him from afar, resulting in that Jongin is almost always alone. So Kyungsoo finds it strange how comfortable he feels with Jongin after just a few days of sitting across from each other (by chance, of course, because there are no other seats). Each study hall starts the same way. Jongin asks Kyungsoo for help with derivatives and other units of calculus because finals are coming up quickly, and Kyungsoo has to pretend Jongin is actually absorbing the information he gives him. Especially when those conversations about calculus quickly divert to other topics. Sometimes they veer off topic and end up whispering about other things, about their favorite movies, anime, television shows or their favorite genres of music. Kyungsoo learns that both their nineteenth birthdays are coming up in January, but Kyungsoo is the ‘hyung,’ (and when Jongin tries that out, it makes Kyungsoo’s spine prickle with giddiness.) That Jongin is athletic and likes to dance on the side, which explains his lithe physique and slim thighs. They find that while they have a good amount in common, they aren’t completely alike, and Kyungsoo thinks he likes it better that way. Kyungsoo also learns that Jongin isn’t arrogant or even intimidating as someone with his blessed looks might have the tendency to be. He’s actually somewhat of a nerd trapped in an attractive person’s body, spewing lame jokes and nasally laughs, but Kyungsoo finds that it doesn’t make Jongin any less beautiful. He learns that Jongin transferred from a school almost two hours away, but when Kyungsoo asks Jongin why he transferred to a school so far when he only had half a year left of high school, Jongin stiffens. Kyungsoo may have missed the way his body reacted, that is, if he wasn’t so intent on Jongin in that moment. Instead, he doesn’t miss Jongin’s reaction at all. Kyungsoo quickly apologizes, assuming he probably crossed a line, but Jongin just smiles a captivating smile and tells him not to apologize, he just doesn’t like to talk about it. Needless to say, they talk a lot, but Kyungsoo’s not sure if he can call them friends, exactly. Because it’s hard for him to understand why someone like Jongin would want to be friends with him. Jongin is so… so good. He’s too perfect for Kyungsoo. Too perfect to become friends with someone as boring and plain as Kyungsoo, who, to top it all off, has social anxiety and can’t even public speak in front of a classroom full of students he has been in school with since he was five years old. Not that he’s told Jongin that. It’s these thoughts that make Kyungsoo remind himself that the only reason they are sitting together is because Jongin doesn’t know anybody yet and his table is the only one in the library with empty seats. “You sat with him again today,” Chanyeol points out after a full week of Kyungsoo sitting across from Jongin. Kyungsoo hates that Chanyeol noticed, because the fact that he noticed meant other people might have noticed, might have been watching them. Kyungsoo suppresses the anxiety that comes with that thought and tells himself he’s just being paranoid; he can’t be thought strangely of when there are literally no other places to sit. “Well, if my friends weren’t jerks and actually saved me a seat, then maybe I’d sit with them,” Kyungsoo retorts, though he doesn’t exactly mean it. In fact, he feels as though he should thank his friends for being jerks, because now he gets to spend his study halls across from stunning Jongin. “It doesn’t seem like you mind that much,” Chanyeol mumbles and Kyungsoo subdues the blush and rolls his eyes instead. Though at the same time he’s thinking to himself that’s because I don’t mind. I really, really don’t. He doesn’t want to think about why. “Jeez, Chanyeol. I’m just sitting with him at the library, not appointing him as my new best friend,” Kyungsoo tells him, “Besides, he’s new so he needs help with his calculus work, that’s the only reason you even see us talking.” Kyungsoo hides the disappointment behind the statement. Because as he says it, he can’t help but believe it just a little bit, and it creates a strange plummeting sensation in the pit of his stomach. Jongin really is only talking to him because he’s already there, because he needs help studying. He probably would have never talked to Kyungsoo otherwise. On Monday afternoon Kyungsoo walks into the library to find Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae sitting at their usual table, only this time there is a vacant seat among them. Yixing must have decided to skip out on mandatory study hall that day. It isn’t surprising, he tends to do that sometimes. But when Kyungsoo sees the empty spot, it practically makes his heart sink to the ground. It shouldn’t. It really shouldn’t bother Kyungsoo that now he has no excuse not to sit with his friends, they are his friends after all. The people who have always accepted him and his flaws. The people he feels most comfortable with in the entire school. And he likes them, he appreciates them. But he knows it’s not that, it’s not them. It’s Jongin. It’s the idea of not having an excuse to sit with Jongin again. He quickly glances to the other side of the room and finds by no surprise that Jongin is already arrived, immersed in his textbook as usual. He won’t see Kyungsoo walk in the opposite direction today. The way he feels is so petty and selfish, and not to mention pathetic, because Jongin probably won’t even care if Kyungsoo sits with him or not. He’s probably tired of Kyungsoo anyway, probably doesn’t even want company. He barely suppresses a sigh as he walks quietly to the table with his friends. He sits down without a single word to them and begins pulling out his work. A half hour passes, and Kyungsoo can’t concentrate at all and in his distraction he can’t help but glance up. From his seat, he has a perfect view of the side of Jongin’s face. His side profile is simply breathtaking. Fuck. He swallows thickly, wondering how it’s possible to have such a strong attraction towards a single person, and concludes that it’s going to be a long afternoon. Ten more minutes pass and Kyungsoo isn’t getting any work done. No matter how many death glares he gives Baekhyun and Jongdae from across the table, they just won’t shut up. All three of them won’t stop moving or flicking things at each other and Kyungsoo swears he’s getting a headache. He’s fully mindful of the fact that he’s just hyperaware of the noise, but it bothers him more than usual. Probably because he’d rather be sitting somewhere else. The thought makes Kyungsoo look up and sneak another glance to the other side of the library. Unfortunately, Jongin decides that moment is the perfect time to put down his pencil and take a stretching break. He leans back in his chair and reaches his arms up, his triceps contracting and flexing from the movement. Kyungsoo swallows. Jongin puts his arms back down and rolls his neck once and Kyungsoo’s eye twitches when he thinks he hears a crack of a joint and a satisfied sigh from all the way across the library. Then Jongin just hunches forward again, continuing his work where he left off as if nothing had just occurred. As if he hadn’t left Kyungsoo perspiring in his seat. Kyungsoo tears his eyes away when he feels his neck and cheeks burning and glares back down at his notes. He doesn’t understand what it is about Jongin that has been making him feel this way or why Jongin, someone he barely knows, has him feeling so hot and bothered from across the room. He suddenly becomes painfully self-conscious of his state and attempts to act as casual as possible when he stands from his seat. Three pairs of eyes land on him, and maybe a fourth pair that Kyungsoo deliberately tries to ignore. “I’m just going to get a book,” Kyungsoo explains like it’s obvious. Attention shifts away from him and Kyungsoo shuffles to the book shelves. It’s not a lie exactly, he does need to borrow a book from the library at some point to finish a paper, but he doesn’t exactly need it yet. He tells himself this is a good excuse to finally get it. He weaves through the aisles until he finds the correct one, all the way at the back of the library. He scans the shelves and when he finds the book he’s looking for, it’s all the way on the second highest shelf. A shelf he definitely cannot reach easily. He groans. Kyungsoo reaches up with two hands to grab a book off a high shelf, mentally cursing his height and hating himself even more when he has to go up onto his tiptoes to even come close to it. He’s still not tall enough, so he places one foot on the lowest shelf to give himself leverage. His fingers just brush against the book's binding when he feels two pokes on the side of his torso, right underneath his armpits. Kyungsoo jumps off the shelf with a squeak and turns around, ready to give a swift knee in the balls to whoever dared to touch him. He expects Chanyeol, maybe Jongdae. But he doesn’t expect to come face to face with Jongin. He’s looking down at Kyungsoo with a devilishly attractive smile and Kyungsoo, in his flustered state, settles for planting a weak slap on his arm. “W-what was that for?” Kyungsoo whisper yells while he hits him, though he has to hold back a burning smile at how cute Jongin looks when he starts pouting at being slapped. “It was so easy,” he says with the same pouty lips, “You were just asking for it with your arms up like that.” Now it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to pout and huff in mock annoyance, though his heart is beating out of his chest at their closeness, how good Jongin smells, the fact that Jongin had followed him into the book shelves… No Kyungsoo, don’t get your hopes up. He probably just needed to find a book. This is a library after all- “What book were you trying to get?” Jongin asks, breaking Kyungsoo from his thoughts. “H-huh?” Kyungsoo totally blanks and Jongin raises an eyebrow. “The book?” He gestures to the shelf with his chin, “I can get it for you.” “Oh, um,” he blushes, suddenly embarrassed about being so vertically challenged in front of Jongin. As if he could have done something to change his height in the first place, “the big one with the white bind-” Before Kyungsoo can finish the description, Jongin is already taking a step forward and reaching up toward the same shelf Kyungsoo had been reaching for. As he does, he places his free hand on Kyungsoo’s hip, as if it’ll help with his balance. Kyungsoo’s not so sure, but if anything it definitely succeeds in keeping Kyungsoo rooted in his spot. It’s not a long span of time, but it feels like an eternity that Kyungsoo holds his breath. He doesn’t dare move. He just remains frozen with heat crawling up his neck, painfully aware of the hand burning into his hip and the way the Jongin’s gloriously bronze neck is at eye level and if he looks up, he would be staring right into Jongin’s lips. But it’s all over when Jongin finally grabs the book and leans back, hand remaining on Kyungsoo’s hip. “Here,” he offers quietly, holding out the book and looking down at Kyungsoo who is sweating again, only this time it’s because of how close their bodies are and not from merely watching Jongin stretch across the room. Kyungsoo takes the book with shaking fingers and whispers a barely audible “thanks,” and to be honest, he’s proud his mouth actually worked enough to say that. Jongin smiles, he always fucking smiles, but he is still way too close and Kyungsoo thinks he might start hyperventilating soon if he doesn’t do something. “Sorry for not sitting with you today,” Kyungsoo blurts out. He doesn’t know if he should be apologizing but his mouth starts moving anyway and it makes Jongin back up slightly as if startled that Kyungsoo actually spoke. It gives Kyungsoo some much needed space to breathe, “Chanyeol was- er… he was getting upset that I never sit with him anymore.” “That’s alright,” Jongin says, it sounds so honest, “I understand. But I’m not trying to steal his spot as your friend.” Kyungsoo’s heart kind of cracks a little at that. Deep down Kyungsoo might know Jongin means what he says, he doesn’t want to steal Chanyeol’s spot, but in Kyungsoo’s mind all he hears is that Jongin doesn’t even want to be his friend at all. He doesn’t notice the strange way Jongin enunciates the word ‘friend.’ “That’s what I told him,” Kyungsoo responds, trying not to sound too disappointed and trying to evade Jongin’s eyes but he finds it hard because Jongin is just staring at him, like he’s studying him. He’s looking at him so intensely like he always does, only this time it’s like he’s looking for a reaction from Kyungsoo, and it just stirs Kyungsoo’s insides. Beneath the sound of his breathing, Kyungsoo vaguely registers that Jongin’s hand is still settled on his left hip, but he’s already so dizzy by how close they are to think about it. That, and he doesn’t have time to process it because all of the sudden the bell rings, indicating the end of the school day and both of them jump in surprise. Jongin’s hand retreats immediately and Kyungsoo can feel the touch still lingering. “I-I should get back to my work,” Kyungsoo stutters, sliding out from between Jongin and the bookshelf. “Yeah,” Jongin responds casually, as if they weren’t just silently staring at each other, “The calculus exam is in two days, so I should probably keep studying.” “Good luck,” Kyungsoo manages to say as he backs away from Jongin, “I mean, if I don’t see you before then.” “Thanks Kyungsoo,” Jongin responds and Kyungsoo just nods awkwardly before turning away from Jongin. Desperate to get out of the situation before he combusts. Kyungsoo returns to his table feeing more flustered than when he left. He tries his best to act casual despite his racing heart and trembling fingers. “What took so long?” Chanyeol asks, no trace of suspicion in his voice. Thankfully. Baekhyun and Jongdae have already left, so only Chanyeol remains. “I couldn’t find the right book,” Kyungsoo lies, and Chanyeol gives him a disbelieving look for a second, making Kyungsoo nervous, but then he breaks into his signature large, goofy smile. “It was too high up on the shelf for you to reach, huh?” Even among his minor heart palpitations, Kyungsoo still manages to send a nasty glare Chanyeol’s way. Chanyeol just starts laughing. “You could have come gotten me to help, you know,” Chanyeol tells him, once he has caught his breath. “You would have laughed at me,” Kyungsoo responds with a huff, “just like you’re doing now.” But if you helped me, at least you wouldn’t have made my heart flutter or made me feel dizzy. You wouldn’t have made me feel so hot, or made my cheeks burn with warmth, or made my breath. You wouldn’t have given me strange feelings I’ve never felt before and confused me. Kyungsoo doesn’t spend the rest of his time in the library doing work, but wondering what it all means. One | Two | Three | Four | Five