(Un)Notice Me (5/5)

[kaisooficrec]

Epilogue. It’s the first day of summer when Kyungsoo and Jongin go public with their relationship. Well, they don’t exactly proclaim it to the world, but they do start acting like a couple outside of four walls. Going on dates to the movies or out to dinner, sitting close to each other, holding hands as they walk down the street. Jongin still attracts attention by random passersby, and being a gay couple doesn’t help, but Kyungsoo is getting used to it. Kyungsoo thinks it has something to do with the fact that Jongin gives him a certain shield when his heart rate does act up, a squeeze of the hand or just a hug helps suppress those anxieties that have haunted Kyungsoo for as long as he can remember. It doesn’t stop them completely, but it’s better than before. Even though Kyungsoo knows he can’t rely on Jongin as a medication for the rest of his life, knows he can’t just avoid the deeper problem just because he has Jongin to scare those fears away for now. But Jongin helps him, because his fears and anxieties stem from somewhere, and Jongin tries to delve into them, tries to help Kyungsoo realize that he has nothing to fear. That, in Jongin’s eyes, Kyungsoo is just right and other people feel the same way. It’s the second day of summer that Kyungsoo and Jongin finally sleep together. That part wasn’t exactly planned though. It only happens when they return from a date to find a note from Jongin’s parents, telling Jongin that they won’t be home until the following day. It’s both convenient and suspicious because they know the note is written by Jongin’s mother. The “Be safe” written at the very end with a wink face is what gives it away. Kyungsoo whines when he sees it, pressing his face into Jongin’s shoulder in embarrassment, but it doesn’t stop Jongin from chuckling and then turning to cup Kyungsoo’s face in his hands, that way he can press their lips together gently. They’ve done a lot of things, but sex has yet to be one of them. It’s been a bit of untouched territory between them ever since Jongin told Kyungsoo what happened to him at his old school. Kyungsoo understands that Jongin wasn’t ready to give himself quite the way he did last time. Understands he needed to be sure he could trust Kyungsoo with everything before he gave it to him. And Jongin knows now that Kyungsoo isn’t going to run away, he isn’t going to turn on Jongin or betray his trust the way it’s been betrayed before. They’ve done other things though, a lot of things. It was only a matter of time before their emotions caught up to them. Only a matter of time before Kyungsoo gave everything to Jongin, and Jongin have him everything in return. And as Jongin pulls Kyungsoo into his bedroom and drops him onto the mattress where everything all began, all Kyungsoo is thinking about is how he wants to give Jongin everything. As they pull each other’s clothes off and Kyungsoo slides his palms all over Jongin’s smooth, tan skin, all Kyungsoo is thinking about is how Jongin is breathtaking and should never be hurt again. And Jongin showers Kyungsoo with kisses and touches and sweet words that make him forget that he has ever been self-conscious of himself in the first place. “You really, really like my skin don’t you?” Jongin asks. He smooths his hand down Kyungsoo’s arm while Kyungsoo lies on his side next to him, a pale, naked leg wrapped over Jongin’s waist and Jongin’s sheet thrown over them haphazardly. “Why do you say that?” Kyungsoo is exhausted, still basking in the aftershock of what they’ve done. There is still that slight tremble of hypersensitivity that always comes after doing anything intimate with Jongin, but he’s learned to embrace the way he feels during times like these. It’s not a bad feeling by any means. It’s just one where his emotions and sensitivities catch up to him to fast, to intensely, but it also helps that Jongin always wraps him in his arms to keep him warm after everything. Kyungso finds himself dragging his fingers down Jongin’s chest anyway, drawing circles and squares into the skin absentmindedly. “Because you wouldn’t stop feeling me up while I fucked you.” Kyungsoo gasps dramatically, slapping Jongin playfully on the face for his blunt choice in words. “For your information I do like it, okay?” He lies his head back down while Jongin chuckles, “Don’t you?” Jongin seems to think about this for a moment. “I suppose I do,” he answers, “But I’m starting to like it even more because it makes you want to touch me a lot, so that’s nice.” Kyungsoo snorts, simply wanting to calm his jittery skin so he can sleep in Jongin’s arms for the next three months before university. He is almost halfway there when Jongin speaks again. “Can I tell you a secret?” “Hm?” Kyungsoo is hardly awake. He yawns. “I’m actually pretty good at calculus.” Kyungsoo doesn’t respond at first because he’s so tired and isn’t sure what that has to do with anything, why Jongin is randomly telling him about his math knowledge after they just had sex for the very first time. He almost laughs at the randomness of the comment, but then he remembers. He remembers that Jongin isn’t supposed to be good at calculus. “What?” “Yeah, I uh, actually learned derivatives in like, my first year,” Jongin laughs, “Pretty good at them too.” Kyungsoo doesn’t move, just stares forward blankly, doesn’t know what to say as he processes what Jongin is trying to tell him. That all those afternoons of explaining math to Jongin were actually as useless as they seemed then. That Jongin probably wasn’t even listening to Kyungsoo at all while he spoke, and Kyungsoo had just gone along with everything for Jongin’s own amusement. “Why did you lie to me?” Kyungsoo asks, not in anger, but in incredulity. Jongin shrugs then, turning to look at Kyungsoo with a cute pout while he smooths his thumb over Kyungsoo’s elbow, “I just wanted to talk to the cute boy sitting across from me.” “But… but you were staring down at your textbook with a scowl for the entire study hall!” “Oh so you were watching me, huh?” Jongin says cheekily and Kyungsoo flicks Jongin in the head to get rid of his smug grin. “It was a literature textbook and I was just reading,” Jongin eventually admits, and then, with a huge smile, “you must have been too busy sneaking looks at me and checking me out to not notice the subject of the book I was reading.” Kyungsoo scoffs, and then without responding, he turns completely around onto his side so he is facing away from Jongin. He’s not actually upset at all, that would be stupid of him, he’s just stubborn because he had most definitely been too busy sneaking looks at Jongin to take note of the actual subject of the book he frequently glared at, just assumed it was calculus. And frankly, he’s too worn-out and doesn’t want to think about how this whole time, the foundation of their relationship has been a lie. Okay, so maybe he’s being dramatic. He’s begun to notice lately that his inner thoughts tend to always veer on the dramatic side. He just can’t believe Jongin had pulled a fast one on him, but at the same time he can because he can’t even pretend that he isn’t oblivious anymore. But still, he’s way too tired to even think about it, his body feels like Jell-O. “Are you mad at me?” Jongin’s voice appears in his ear from behind him and when Kyungsoo glances up, he sees that Jongin is hovering over him… still grinning stupidly. “No, I just think you’re stupid,” Kyungsoo answers, only half-jokingly. “I’m sorry,” Jongin utters and now Kyungsoo can actually hear his pout, “I just saw you and I liked what I saw,” Jongin explains further and then, “I couldn’t just unnotice you, Soo.” “Psh,” Kyungsoo says, attempting to continue facing the other direction and close his eyes, but Jongin doesn’t let him. In a matter of seconds, Jongin has planted himself on top of Kyungsoo, squishing him down onto the mattress and pinning his arms to either side of him so he can’t fight back. “I had to get your attention somehow,” he whines. “You got my attention, you got everyone’s attention, Jongin.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes before relenting and letting Jongin pull him into an embrace, attempting to shift them in a more comfortable position so that Jongin isn’t suffocating him anymore. Kyungsoo pushes his face into Jongin’s shoulder so he can say a muffled and stubborn “what’s so special about me anyway?” “I’m not the only one who draws people’s eyes in, you know,” Jongin tells him, cupping Kyungsoo’s cheek. Kyungsoo’s face is suddenly being lifted from where it was molded into shoulder so Jongin can look straight into Kyungsoo eyes. They share an emotional eye contact, which is really just the way Jongin naturally can share eye contact with him, and it makes Kyungsoo quiver a bit. “You’re beautiful. It’s hard to ignore.” And normally, that’s not something Kyungsoo would want to hear. He wouldn’t normally want to be aware that people notice him, that people don’t ignore him, or that he actually draws in eyes. Normally he might cringe, anxiety seeping through his veins at the thought of people actually seeing him. But instead, Kyungsoo finds himself blushing at the words, He’s so comfortable with Jongin, yet he still feels his heart palpitating at the intense look in Jongin’s warm, chocolate colored eyes as he compliments him like that. And Kyungsoo actually accepts Jongin’s words, takes them for what they are, because he’s realized that ever since Jongin came around he’s learned that sometimes being seen is a good thing. After all, Kyungsoo doesn’t know what would have happened to him if he wasn’t noticed by Kim Jongin. And maybe Kyungsoo doesn’t really mind getting all his attention. One | Two | Three | Four | Five

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, so it's like the middle of the night which means this comment probably won't be any good but I'll try. I really liked how sweet and simple this was. I appreciated how you put in that little sentence explaining that Jongin was trying to actually help Kyungsoo overcome his anxiety, even if it wasn't detailed or anything, because I did feel like it was important to acknowledge that Kyungsoo can't keep using Jongin or his friends as a shield forever.

One of my favorite lines:

“Why can’t I come?” Chanyeol asks, pouting.

“Girl talk,” Baekhyun responds quickly and Kyungsoo has to resist the urge to hit him over the head with his textbook.

I just love when people write Baekhyun like this, my precious child. He didn't really have a big role in this fic but it was okay, I thought the side!baekyeol was incredibly sweet regardless.

What made this fic unique in my opinion was the fact that usually it IS the ~scared of people finding out I'm gay~ thing that breaks the main couple up for a while and causes misunderstandings, so it was nice reading something different for once even though they both still acted like idiots, although, unfortunately, very relatable idiots. I also think your depiction of social anxiety was subtle yet realistic. Sometimes this trope gets written quite poorly to the point where you feel the character is going to actually die anytime someone does so much as blink in their direction.

Anyway, as I mentioned, it's the middle of the night and I should probably go sleep now, but I just wanted to leave you this comment before I did. Thank you loads for writing this! <3

[(Anonymous)]

This is such a good fanfic !

[trashpoptragedies (from livejournal.com)]

Let me just say, first of all, highschool aus and many other aus in Kaisoo fanfiction tend to lack realism. A conservative society and there's no references to homophobia? Unlikely. But this includes that and so much more. I love realism in my fanfiction, it makes everything more impactfull yet painful. Kyungsoo's characterization here was very interesting. I liked how you wrote his anxiety and discomfort. How Jongin helped him, though he too had his own pain. The exploration of them learning each other's bodies and likes in bed and experimentation was nicely written. Yet hot as well. I loved this!

[jonginvevo.livejournal.com]

im feeling so many different emOTIONS RN gdi i relate to ksoo so much in this fic & i just ??? ? this is really some gr8 quality fanfic, author.

even tho that angst left me weak bc im weak in general lmao, when they made up in the library :'))) yES the sun started shining my vision suddenly became 20/20 my back problems were cured i was truly blessedt 😭👏

ilysm author thank you for writing this~

[elericelery.livejournal.com]

whew i loved how cliche this started off as, but it quickly transformed into something unique and different. i didnt really read the summary so i was a bit surprised that they went straight into the physical side of everything? but the same time it was kind of refreshing not to have them dancing around each other with unsaid confessions for the majority of the fic. first love is one of my favourite things to read, and you pulled it off really well; the way they fell together, both emotionally and physically, was really touching ;A; how they took it slowly, and took care of each other, learning what they liked and how to communicate well... relationship goals, even with the misunderstanding.

[actualbaekhyun.livejournal.com]

i loved this omg!! they were both so precious and i love social anxiety representation! i loved the sad stuff and the cute stuff! ❤️

[(Anonymous)]

Ahhh im incoherent what should i say?? No matter how cliche the theme is i still like it very much and i love how realistic this story is. Jongin is very endearing too *v* and you make me feel all giddy and hot at the same time. The sexual tension is real lol its so hot!?! I anticipate the detailed coughsmutcough scene but the frontage is a+++ lol. Thank you sooo much for this!!

P/s: by the style of yr writing and the way you decribe jongin i think i know who u are ahshsjsj helloooo im your fan!! 🙈

[(Anonymous)]

Ahhh im incoherent what should i say?? No matter how cliche the theme is i still like it very much and i love how realistic this story is. Jongin is very endearing too *v* and you make me feel all giddy and hot at the same time. The sexual tension is real lol its so hot!?! I anticipate the detailed coughsmutcough scene but the frontage is a+++ lol. Thank you sooo much for this!!

P/s: by the style of yr writing and the way you decribe jongin i think i know who u are ahshsjsj helloooo im your fan!! 🙈

[(Anonymous)]

ahh this was just too sweet. it was so nice to see how jongin and kyungsoo balance each other out, how despite kyungsoo's anxiety he was strong for jongin when it was needed and vice versa. their relationship was so heart warming and the way they treated each other made me feel really giddy ^^ the smut was perfect, not too much but just enough to ease the obvious tension between them. thank you so much for writing this and for adressing a little more serious themes without making it too dramatic. i love stories like these, the flow was great and it was just really effortless to read. alright i'm rambling now but this was fluffy and perfect and everyone should give it a try!!!

[shineebean.livejournal.com]

i liked this fic a lot! the characters were very sweet- baeksoo's friendship, that chanyeol accepted kyungsoo's feelings for jongin so selflessly, and that sehun wanted to make sure kyungsoo was included in their group conversation made me so glad. the development of kaisoo's relationship was great too. i loved their library moments and that kyungsoo, despite his anxiety, felt so comfortable with jongin almost off the bat. most of all, i loved that the conflict in their relationship didn't stem from kyungsoo's struggles with his sexuality. thank you for your work on this fic~

[min2me.livejournal.com]

This is sooooooo good!!!
U make me feel tingling(?) all over my body. Like i can feel what kyungsoo feel when he is with jongin.
And, i love how pure their love are. How they are slow building trust and make each other comfortable with each other. I love it.
Wow. This is beautiful. Thank u for making this fic and share with us!! :)

[wetpaintings.livejournal.com]

I didn't think I'd be getting flashbacks during the whole time I was reading this. I totally relate to Kyungsoo in terms of finding out you like someone of the same sex, and then feeling that attraction for the first time to someone. It's a state of confusion at first because you start questioning yourself if you're gay or you're I shall quote "jongin-sexual" towards that person. I CRI


I'm just happy it didn't turn out to be too cliche and was more realistic than most of this kind of fic. It was also humbling to find imperfections with Jongin as he was supposed to be this whole perfect person to Kyungsoo

e steamy parts were a teeny weeny fast but i ain't complaining lmao).

[wetpaintings.livejournal.com]

I was gettinng emotional and accidentally clicked. lol. Anyway, the imperfection on both the leads felt grounding to me and I loved it btw. And as for my comment on the steamy parts, it was a little fast paced for someone who had just discovered he liked dick for the first time, but I ain't complaining.

Yay for exploration! Body exploration lol

[(Anonymous)]

This is so amazing. I loved the story. Kyungsoo's anxiety was a very good idea and also Jongin's past. I really, really liked it. And let me say - FINALLY bottom!soo fic in this fest! Yay!

[hoyayayaya.livejournal.com]

oh my gosh what a roller coaster of emotions this fic is. and i totally feel for kyungsoo... so precious.

and the smut!! the tension!!! all of it are just right in the feels /sighs

thanks so much for writing and sharing♡

[geebee15.livejournal.com]

This was beautiful. Two imperfect halves coming together to make a imperfectly perfect whole. Ugh that was so beautiful I can't express my words so well. It takes a lot of patience and love to help a damaged loved one become okay again. This really just resonated with me a lot in how Jongin was afraid to let people in yet he keeps up such a strong front. And Kyungsoo looking like he's unaffected but deep inside he is actually affected by so many things. I just really enjoyed reading this and I feel quite emotional as I try to process this more in.

[gottabekook.livejournal.com]

OMG, this was just so freaking beautiful and me feel so warm wirh happiness idk man I just loved it! Really beautifully written ;-; ❤️

[darkreminisce.livejournal.com]

this is so adorable yet there's a darker side to it, i love this!
jongin definitely brought out the best in kyungsoo, i love how comfortable soo got with jongin ever since they met, its like it was meant to be
i love jongin's skin tone and his love for soo, my heart ached when he spoke about being bullied, no one ever deserves that
the friendship chansoo and baeksoo share are so sweet and i can never forget how baek got so flustered when he caught them kissing, cute
i was so happy when soo held jongin's hand in the hallway, it was a great step!!!!!
thank you for writing this!!!

[downy-tufts.livejournal.com]

Awww I loved this. How they help each others to overcome their weakness. sobs/ double thumbs up

[ddoublejjong.livejournal.com]

I swear this story at my giggling like a little girl for every fluffy part gosh.

I really liked how Kaisoo was so comfortable with each other even though they just met and weren't particularly the closest. Something about how Kyungsoo just opens up so easily to Jongin even without Jongin doing anything made my heart fuzzy hehe.

And this is probably just me being biased but I really really love how Kyungsoo was always fascinated with Jongin's skin colour. I personally really like Jongin's skin colour and I just really dislike it when people make jokes about it regardless of their intentions. I've never understood why people liked to talk about other people's skintone, like why should it even matter? We are all essentially the same deep down isn't it?

And I like that your story was told in a very realistic manner! The details, such as Kyungsoo's panic attacks etc weren't over the top/dramatic and were instead very fitting and something that us as readers would be able to relate to.

Thank you for such a lovely story!! I'm sure you gave every reader of yours a take away :) ♡

[(Anonymous)]

This is my favorite so far and I've read everything. There's just something so honest and sincere about it. It's so full of heart. You captured the feeling of youth and young love so perfectly, the sexual curiosity and the intensity that such an attraction brings. It felt so natural, how easily they fell into place, how the relationship progressed. I didn't want it to end. I wanted it to go on and on and on.

And on and on and on.

Definitely worth a reread!

[ineedadance.livejournal.com]

Oh this was so precious. I loved seeing Jongin be there for Kyungsoo but I really loved that Kyungsoo took an independent initiative as well, and he wasn't just relying on Jongin. Very well balanced! I really liked how you approached the anxiety as well, it all just fit so well!!

[adrycn-9.livejournal.com]

AGH. this was sooooo cute!! I loved the character development and how their relationship developed into fluffy perfectness w some bumps in the road! This was a wonderfully written story ^^

[thekaisoo.livejournal.com]

wHY IS THIS SO SAD AND HOT AND I WANT MORE!]!?!!?!?Q
this fic is just full of love and lust and trust and wheres the THRUST loljk
so sad and beautiful im sobbing ;__________;
(((am i the only one whos waiting for something more after frotting and dry humping JONGIN AND KYUNGSOO PLEASE CONTINUE)))
thank you for this fic, authornim!

[yumi907.livejournal.com]

This was so cute to read, just adored Jongin in this.
Also loved how Chanyeol just accepted that Kyungsoo liked someone else, was scared for a second that it would turn into some bitter triangle haha
but his reaction was just so realistic, it was so refreshing to read.
Thank you for writing this, it was such a delightful read!

[kai d.o (from livejournal.com)]

I really really like this but i dont know what exactly to comment im sorry T_T its just it made me feel a lot of things and idk i cant comprehend them yet. tbh this is isnt the best thing ive reaD. i mean its hs au and the anxiety i have probably read tons of that already but despite that, i think this is my fave?? or one of my faves??? despite not having the most interesting au in fact one of the most /used/ and this sounding ordinary it doesnt appeared to me like that i realized that while reading i felt the connection of this story to me?? idk how?? it doesnt even have the fanciest wordS but??? i like it. please dont take this comment
the wrong way i just want to tell u that this is really good /hONESTLY/ thank you for writing this!!! i enjoyed this a lot //sweats at kaisoo's sexual tension// hehehe once again thank you!!