i see the sun on your back

[kaisooficrec]

Title: i see the sun on your back Genre: ParallelUniverses!AU, Slice of Life Rating: R Warnings: (highlight for spoilers) inexplicit sex and sexual jokes, minor character death, terminal illnesses, homophobia, broken!Jongin/Kyungsoo (technically) Length: ~5,000 words Side Pairing: broken!Taemin/Jongin Summary: In another universe, the planets orbit a different star, the world sleeps under a different moon, and I am in love with you. Note: Title taken from the translation in this article. HT 1971.C12 Kyungsoo inserts the book at the shelf below him, crouching down and sliding it in at the end of the row. HM 1700.B06 Kyungsoo reaches up to wedge the book between two thinner ones, wiggling it back and forth until it is fully lined up with all of the others. HQ 1994.J14 Kyungsoo raises the book to put it on the shelf directly in front of him— and then pauses. His large eyes widen a bit further in curiosity. The corner of his mouth twitches upwards into a small smile. There is a boy sitting at the table in front of the reference section. His head is slowly drooping downwards, hands curled around his own waist tenderly, eyelashes dark against cheekbones. It seems like the glasses sitting on the tip of his nose will soon fall off. There is a strange lack of books or any sort of schoolwork in front of him; it is as if his sole purpose in coming to the library was just to be there, asleep. Kyungsoo wonders if he should wake the boy up. In another universe, Kyungsoo wakes the boy up with a gentle shake of his shoulder. His glasses actually do fall off at that, and Kyungsoo has to stifle a rising laugh at the sight of the boy’s drowsy confusion. “Where am I?” He mumbles, yawning. “In the library.” Kyungsoo replies with a straight face. He watches with mild amusement as the boy’s face contorts from sleepiness to pure horror. “I— wait, oh no, what time is it—” He seizes his backpack, dragging it up into his lap so he can paw desperately through the front pocket. “9:45,” Kyungsoo answers, still fighting the urge to laugh. The boy finally manages to dig out his phone. He checks the lock screen; when it flashes back an affirmation of what just Kyungsoo told him, he lets out a strangled noise, something halfway between a choke and a whimper, before jumping up and tugging his backpack on. “Thank you for waking me up!” He calls behind his shoulder as he runs off. Kyungsoo watches him leave and then goes back to sorting the books. It is only five minutes later that he realizes he is smiling. In another universe, Kyungsoo meets the boy again two days later. Kyungsoo is sorting the library books again when the boy comes up to him, his hands awkwardly behind his back, eyes bright with an emotion that Kyungsoo can’t name. “Thank you for waking me up last time,” He says. A little frown slips on his face and a wrinkle mars his forehead; Kyungsoo wants to smooth it out with his fingers. “I was almost late to my quiz.” “You’re welcome,” Kyungsoo answers politely. They stand in a blank silence, a silence that is just a little uncomfortable, a little anticipatory. Though their eyes do stray from each other’s face in nervousness, neither looks away for too long. “Can I take you out to coffee?” The boy blurts out suddenly. When Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, panic splits across the boy’s face. “I mean, just as a thank you! You, ummm, really did help me. I know it was just a quiz, not a test, but I really want to do well in that class, and—” “Okay,” Kyungsoo says quietly. The boy looks shocked at Kyungsoo’s response. Then, he smiles. All of it startles Kyungsoo: the quickening of his heart, the sting in his throat. He blames it on the boy’s eyes: dark and shining and— Beautiful, Kyungsoo’s mind supplies unhelpfully. “‘Okay?’” The boy repeats hopefully. Kyungsoo nods, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth upwards. “Okay.” In another universe, Kyungsoo learns that the boy’s name is Kim Jongin. Jongin likes his coffee sweeter than sin. He throws in sweetener and cream and then, after tasting it, more sweetener. When Kyungsoo takes a sip, he immediately makes a face and then hands it back to Jongin. He gets a pout in return. Jongin likes all dogs, but he likes his three dogs the best. Monggu, Janggu, Jjangah. The poodles are cute and the way that Jongin talks about them is even cuter. By the end of the day, Kyungsoo has their three names engraved in his mind, there to stay for the rest of his life. Jongin likes Kyungsoo. He makes it glaringly clear from the first day that they go to the library’s cafe, and then every time after that. It is written all over his face, bold words that scream affection and adoration at Kyungsoo. It is written in the way that he shoots shy glances at Kyungsoo, the way that his cheeks dust over in pretty pink, and the way that he says Kyungsoo’s name as if he doesn’t deserve it on his tongue. Kyungsoo doesn’t like being out of control. He doesn’t like feeling unsure of himself, doesn’t like the weird tangle in his stomach, and definitely doesn’t like the feeling of falling into something unknown. But surprisingly, he likes Jongin. In another universe, their coffee dates become real dates when Jongin plucks up the courage three months later to ask if Kyungsoo wants to eat dinner with him on Christmas. “Christmas?” Kyungsoo asks, taken back. “But Christmas is a day for couples.” “Do you mind?” Jongin asks, his voice laced with insecurity. And though Kyungsoo has only known Jongin for a couple of weeks, it feels like he has known him for his entire life. He understands exactly what Jongin means, even when Jongin is too scared to say it. “No,” Kyungsoo replies softly. “I don’t mind at all.” And with that, Kyungsoo and Jongin become just that: Kyungsoo and Jongin. In another universe, Kyungsoo calls Jongin his boyfriend for the first time a week after Christmas. “Let’s go out tonight!” Junmyeon says to Kyungsoo and Jongdae excitedly, waving three pairs of tickets proudly in the air. “The basketball game against KU!” “I can’t,” comes the automatic response from Kyungsoo. “I have plans.” They look curiously at him. “With...?” Jongdae asks. “My boyfriend.” The words feel slightly unnatural in Kyungsoo’s mouth, and he clears his throat afterwards for good measure. “‘Boyfriend?’” Junmyeon repeats incredulously, eyebrows shooting up past his hairline. “Is it that boy?” Jongdae asks eagerly, pressing closer to Kyungsoo’s shoulder as if sharing a secret. “The pretty boy who you always get coffee with?” Kyungsoo laughs. “Yes it is. His name is Jongin, by the way.” “Jongin,” His two friends say together, testing out the way the syllables slope over each other. “Kyungsoo’s boyfriend, Jongin,” Jongdae sing songs, smile curving in the mischievous way that Kyungsoo has become used to. Junmyeon cackles at that. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Get a grip, you guys.” However, as cheesy as it is, it sends a small twinge through Kyungsoo’s heart. In another universe, they sleep together for the first time on the day between their birthdays. It is terribly romantic, almost ridiculously so; Jongin cries, which inevitably makes Kyungsoo cry, and they kiss and move against each other in a way that feels so, so right. It is also the first time that they say “I love you” to each other, though that seems less memorable to Kyungsoo. The words had always hung in the air between them, unspoken yet obvious. Afterwards, they laugh at themselves and go to take a bath filled to the brim with sweet-smelling pink bubbles. (Playful fingers turn more intentional until one of them snaps and presses the other to the wall. The details of the rest of the night are blurry from there on.) In another universe, they date for a year before Jongin brings a new development into their relationship. “I’m going to study abroad next year,” He announces one day when they are curled up in Kyungsoo’s bed together, blankets tangled between their legs. Kyungsoo gets cold easily and Jongin gets hot easily, but neither of them ever gets tired of napping together in the lazy hours between classes. Kyungsoo is so surprised that he finds himself unable to speak. Jongin abruptly sits up. He pulls the older up next to him. Their eyes meet, and Kyungsoo is once again amazed by how much love he sees in Jongin’s eyes. “At Columbia University in New York City,” Jongin continues, never looking away from the other. “For two semesters.” Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say. “I—” Jongin’s voice is so tight, so scared. “I don’t want to break up. Will you wait for me?” Kyungsoo is surprised that Jongin even bothered to ask, because he never saw any other option from the very beginning. So instead of wasting time to say the obvious, he curls his hand around the back of Jongin’s neck and pulls him in for a slow, deep kiss. There is no one else for Kyungsoo but Jongin. In another universe, Kyungsoo cries when Jongin leaves for America. He also cries three days later, and then a week after that. There are so many little things in his life that remind him of Jongin. He is stitched into every corner of Kyungsoo’s life, there to stay until messily ripped out in a way that would undoubtedly leave its mark on Kyungsoo. He cries when Jongin comes back for the holidays. At the airport, Jongin lifts him into the air and hugs him so tightly that he can’t breathe. Kyungsoo refuses to let him go. It terrifies him. He has never known loneliness like this before Jongin came into his life. Love is funny like that; it teaches you the most euphoric happiness and the deepest sadness. But Kyungsoo doesn’t regret anything about meeting Jongin. In another universe, Jongin moves into Kyungsoo’s apartment after he graduates college. They fight more than usual in the beginning. Little things send voices rising and doors slamming: how Jongin doesn’t squeeze the toothpaste out from the bottom up, how Kyungsoo’s baths take up all the hot water, how they can never remember whose turn it is to do the dishes. But they always come back together, voices softer and apologetic and doors opened to say “I’m sorry” and “I love you”. Jongin learns to be neater with the toiletries, Kyungsoo limits how much time he spends in the tub, and they clean up after dinner together. They don’t claim to be perfect people, but they are perfect for each other. In another universe, Kyungsoo meets a part of Jongin’s past at Jongin’s ten year highschool reunion. Kyungsoo is standing, making inconsequential talk with Jongin’s old dance crew members about the the state of the government (“Terrible, just terrible,”), stocks (“The economy these days…”), and how he knows Jongin (“We’re very close. Very,”) when a new face slides up between him and Jongin. “Hey, stranger,” The man greets coyly, pulling Jongin in for a tight hug. “Taemin!” Jongin greets enthusiastically. “It’s been ages, wow… how have you been?” Taemin. Lee Taemin. The name sparks recognition through Kyungsoo’s mind. Jongin’s ex-boyfriend. Some people would fly into a craze, but Kyungsoo has never been one for petty jealousy, so he takes a sip of his drink and watches calmly as the two chat eagerly with each other. He notes that Taemin leans into Jongin’s body when they talk, his arm slipped over Jongin’s shoulders. There is a spark in the man’s eyes that Kyungsoo doesn’t miss. However, there is no spark in Jongin’s eyes. Kyungsoo can’t help but smirk at that. Maybe he is a little petty. Taemin finally looks over at Kyungsoo. His eyes narrow just the tiniest bit and then dart quickly up and down Kyungsoo’s figure, taking it all in, before pulling himself away from Jongin. Running a free hand through his perfect, blonde hair, he gives Kyungsoo a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Who is this, Jongin?” Jongin looks over at Kyungsoo, and— there it is. There is the spark. “This is Kyungsoo,” He introduces them, proudly wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist as if showing off a prize that is his and his alone. “My boyfriend.” They shake hands, and Taemin slinks away with a dark face. Kyungsoo rubs his thumb mindlessly against the back of Jongin’s hand and then kisses it quickly, when nobody is watching. Taemin may be a part of Jongin’s past, but Kyungsoo is what is here for now and forever. In another universe, Jongin’s father passes away five years into their relationship. Kyungsoo will never forget how white Jongin’s knuckles are as he clutches the phone, his sister delivering the news tearfully. Very sudden, very unexpected, the doctors had called it. A heart attack at his age…. No one saw it coming. They drive to Jongin’s mother’s house. The whole family is there: sisters, nieces, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, and Kyungsoo. With a shock, Kyungsoo realizes that he is a part of Jongin’s family as well. Kyungsoo holds Jongin in his arms the whole night. A week later, he holds Jongin’s hand during the funeral. Jongin’s hand clutches at him tightly. Kyungsoo squeezes back in reassurance. I am here, Jongin. I am here. In another universe, as soon as they get back to their apartment after the funeral, Kyungsoo packs up the car and takes Jongin on a drive. It is already dark by the time they leave the house, but Kyungsoo can tell that Jongin is crying from the soft sounds that come from his side of the car. Kyungsoo takes his hand and holds on tight, steering the wheel carefully with one hand. Thankfully, there are not that many cars once they get out of the busier districts of Seoul, and then none at all when they are out of the city entirely. The only people on the streets at 1am are the lonely and the lost, and Jongin is both right now. Five hours later, when the sun is just starting to peek over the horizon, Kyungsoo finally parks in front of a long expanse of sand. Jongin fell asleep a little over an hour ago, completely drained of everything he had left inside of him. Kyungsoo wakes him up by shaking his shoulder. “Hey,” He says gently when Jongin opens his eyes, blinking cutely up at the older. “We’re here.” Jongin looks out the window. “Why are we at the ocean?” He asks, voice suddenly alert. Kyungsoo shrugs. “Felt like doing something spontaneous.” They play on the completely deserted beach until the first trickle of tourists arrive, and then continue past that. They lay out a blanket and nap, build little mounds that Jongin insists count as “sand castles”, and even wade a little into the sea, even though neither of them are wearing the right kind of clothes. Kyungsoo shrieks when Jongin splashes water at him and retaliates by dunking Jongin completely under. Jongin starts crying at one point in the morning, yesterday’s memories flooding back into him uncontrollably, so he and Kyungsoo take a walk further away from the other beach visitors. When he is feeling better, they play more on that side of the beach. There are less people there, and they take full advantage of that, kissing and holding hands away from curious, nosy eyes. Kyungsoo can see Jongin’s sadness begin to ebb away. He grins to himself and drags Jongin back into the water. It is only when their stomachs are grumbling that they decide to grab takeout and call it a day. “Thank you for bringing me here,” Jongin murmurs, exhausted, when Kyungsoo is driving them back. Kyungsoo smiles fondly at him. “Go to sleep. We’ll be home soon.” In another universe, Kyungsoo sees a ring in the display case of a shop’s window. In another universe, Kyungsoo asks Jongin to marry him on their seventh year anniversary. The way he asks is simple, because he has never been one for big, extravagant events; after all, Kyungsoo doesn’t need anything besides Jongin next to him. So after they finish their dinner at the fancy five-star restaurant that Junmyeon recommended, Kyungsoo gets down on one knee, promises Jongin that he will love him for the rest of his life, and asks if Jongin will do the same for him. “Yes,” Jongin answers, holding a hand to his mouth. “Yes, of course, Kyungsoo. Yes.” Kyungsoo slips the ring on Jongin’s finger and kisses his forehead. His heart has never felt this full in his whole life. In another universe, their wedding is a small, private event. Kyungsoo and Jongin say their vows in front of a small group of close family and friends. Kyungsoo ends up crying, which makes Jongin giggle and kiss him affectionately in the middle of the ceremony. The officiant chides them in front of the entire audience for not waiting until the end. Kyungsoo can hear Jongdae’s snort from all the way at the altar. After the wedding, they leave to their honeymoon. Puerto Rico is beautiful, all sparkling blue water and gorgeous sights and delicious food. It truly is paradise, and Kyungsoo never wants to leave. But they have to, after the two weeks are up. The two husbands head back to Seoul more than a little reluctantly. Jongin whines during the entire plane ride about how they have to go back for their 50th anniversary. 50th anniversary. Kyungsoo likes the sound of that. In another universe, three years after they get married, Kyungsoo and Jongin decide to adopt a child. The adoption process takes eighteen long months; it stings a little, because Kyungsoo is sure that it took longer due to the simple fact that they are a homosexual couple, but the baby girl that becomes their daughter makes it all worth it. Shieun is beautiful. Though she is too young to do much at first besides eat, sleep, and cry, Kyungsoo and Jongin spend hours together on the couch, taking turns holding and kissing her. Kyungsoo insists that she takes Jongin’s last name, in honor of his late father. Jongin kisses Kyungsoo at that. Jongin decides to take a break from working full-time so that someone can be at home to take care of Shieun. It is the logical decision, since Kyungsoo makes a higher salary, being an important lawyer at a large firm. Kyungsoo feels a little bad, but Jongin insists that it is fine, that he would actually rather stay home and look after Shieun than be in the office all day. “Writing news articles was never the most fun thing in the world,” Jongin admits to his husband with his nose wrinkled, rocking the baby slowly. Then, he holds her out to Kyungsoo. “Your turn, hyung?” Kyungsoo takes Shieun into his arms. Jongin puts a hand on his husband’s knee, caressing the bare skin with a gentle thumb. All is well. In another universe, Shieun grows up quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday that they were bringing her home for the first time: now it is already her first day of kindergarten. Jongin picks out a bright pink backpack and little white sneakers for her. She insists on tying them on herself. “Big girl,” She says in her bubbly toddler voice, sitting on her bum so she can tie the laces just like Kyungsoo taught her: two bunny ears, an X, and then pull them left and right. “Big girl!” Jongin repeats, picking her up and spinning her in the air. She shrieks happily. But Kyungsoo is still on edge. “What if she cries because she misses us?” He hisses into Jongin’s ear, watching Shieun excitedly put her lunch into her backpack: again, something she insisted on doing herself. Jongin grins at him. “They have to leave the nest sometime, hyung.” It is true, and Kyungsoo knows it, but he is scared the entire time that they drive to the neighborhood elementary school. The wide, unknown hallways, colorful decorations, and screaming children seem to have their effect on Shieun; she is quieter now, clinging more closely to her parents. The kindergarten teacher is bright and friendly, all soft curves and flashes of a warm smile. Shieun takes to her immediately, giving her a shy smile when she bends down to the five-year old’s level to tell her that she likes her backpack. Slowly but surely, her grip on Kyungsoo’s fingers loosens and then detaches completely. Shieun turns to give Jongin and Kyungsoo’s knees a quick hug— they bump together slightly awkwardly at that, and Jongin laughs— before letting her new teacher lead her off to go play with the toy trains. It can only be the power of true love that stops Jongin from snorting at the pathetic look on Kyungsoo’s face. “Come on, hyung,” He coaxes the older, catching his hand easily in his own to lead him out of the room. “You’ll get to see her in the afternoon. Junmyeon hyung is waiting for you at the office right now.” Kyungsoo turns so he can watch Shieun play with another boy before he turns the corner and she slips out of his view. It’s only when they are both in the car and Jongin is pulling out of the parking lot when he speaks. “It’s just…” He sighs, ignoring Jongin’s snickers at his over dramatic antics. “Kindergarten, already? Didn’t we just adopt her like, I don’t know, two days ago?” Jongin nods thoughtfully. “It does feel like that. Feels like just a week ago when we were in your college dorm, fucking on your desk—” “Oh my god, Kim Jongin—” “But really,” Jongin says, ducking to avoid Kyungsoo’s fist. He reaches over to take Kyungsoo’s hand into his. “Time passes really quickly when you’re having a good time.” Kyungsoo looks over at Jongin, a smile unwittingly tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah,” He answers softly. “I guess it really does.” In another universe, their small family of three is eating dinner together when Shieun suddenly slams her chopsticks down and runs a hand through her hair, annoyed. Kyungsoo stops in the middle of his story about his new colleague at work. Jongin raises an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?” They both ask at the same time, then shoot each other amused looks. Fifteen years of marriage has left its mark on both of them. “I hate middle school,” Shieun says miserably, kicking her feet at the carpet. “It was only the first day,” Kyungsoo comforts her, setting his spoon down so that he can give her his full attention. Jongin follows suit, eyes flickering between his husband and his daughter. “What was so bad about it?” “I—” Shieun swallows hard; Kyungsoo is startled to see the tears that threaten to spill over her big, brown eyes. She mumbles something under her breath and then coughs, covering her mouth with the crook of her arm. Jongin places a hand on her back, rubbing warm circles. “Yeah?” “They…” She drops her gaze into her lap, pressing her lips tightly together. “They made fun of me because I have two dads.” The room is so quiet that Kyungsoo is sure that Jongin can hear the sound of his heart when he looks across the table at his husband, eyes wide and filled with empathy. Jongin clears out his throat. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” He says softly. “Unfortunately, no matter what any of us do, there will always be people who don’t understand.” “Why?” Shieun asks, voice verging near a plea. “I— I don’t know.” Jongin’s voice falters towards the end of his sentence. Kyungsoo puts a hand on his knee in encouragement, and his husband shoots him a grateful look. He continues, “But don’t think about that too much. What I want you to always remember is that I love you and your dad very much, and nothing that anyone says will change that.” Shieun still looks troubled, but she bravely nods and picks up her utensils again. Kyungsoo lets out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. Later that night, Kyungsoo sends Shieun off to bed with a kiss on her forehead. “I love you,” He says, stroking the wispy baby hairs that frame her forehead. “You are so important to me.” “Thanks, Dad,” Shieun mumbles, hugging him around his waist. “I love both of you guys too.” And after she disappears into her room, Jongin wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and lets out a tired sigh. A lump settles in Kyungsoo’s throat as his hands go up to hold his husband’s. His body suddenly feels so heavy. They stay like that for a long time. In another universe, Jongin and Kyungsoo help Shieun unpack her things from the trunk of the car and move it to her dorm room. It is obvious that she is itching to go and meet the other freshman girls on her floor, but she plays nice for her parents and obliges in Jongin’s endless amount of hugs and Kyungsoo’s neverending fretting about campus safety and attendance and making friends— though she does stop him before he can get too far into the safe sex lecture. “I’ll call tonight,” Shieun promises, pecking both of her dads once on each cheek. “And I’m coming home to visit in two weeks. It’ll be like I’m not even gone!” And then she runs back into her dorm hall, Kyungsoo and Jongin watching her go from their spot in the parking lot. “They grow up quickly, don’t they?” Kyungsoo finally says, looking at Jongin with a sad smile on his face. Jongin chuckles. “You’re not going to cry on me, right hyung?” Kyungsoo elbows him in the stomach. “Oh, please. Try not to get your snot all over the carseat.” In another universe, Kyungsoo is diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma at age 49. “It’s at intermediate-risk,” The doctor explains to him. “You’re a healthy man. You’ll get through this. We’ll start with a year of chemotherapy, then go from there.” All of the color drains from Jongin’s face when Kyungsoo breaks the news to him. “Cancer?” Jongin whispers. “You have cancer?” Kyungsoo nods silently, wary. Jongin is taking it very badly. “Y-You—” Jongin clenches and unclenches his fists. “You said it was just your throat! You said that it was probably some sort of infection, probably strep throat! Cancer, it’s cancer—” Jongin starts to cry. Though Kyungsoo is no psychic, he knows exactly where Jongin’s mind has taken him: more than twenty years back, the call from his sister. White knuckles against the phone. Kyungsoo immediately embraces him, pulling him into his lap. Jongin sobs against Kyungsoo’s throat, hands reaching out to clutch at his clothes. The older strokes his hair, murmuring comfort to him. Kyungsoo is the one who is hurting physically, but Jongin is hurting mentally, and Kyungsoo has never felt more helpless. “I’m sorry,” Jongin croaks, finally leaning back to wipe away tears. “I… I shouldn’t even be the one crying right now.” “It’s a 51% chance that I will survive,” Kyungsoo reminds him gently. “Aren’t you scared about the 49%?” Jongin asks, terror burning in his face like a man going up in flames at the stake. Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I have the 1% on my side.” “That’s not that much.” Jongin’s grip on Kyungsoo tightens. There is a short silence. Kyungsoo tilts Jongin’s chin up with two of his fingers. “I have you on my side,” He tells him confidently. “You’re so cheesy,” Jongin croaks out, before bursting into tears once again. He locks his arms around Kyungsoo’s neck and buries his face into the fabric of Kyungsoo’s sweater. “You can’t leave me,” Jongin pleads sometime later, in between soothing whispers and tight embraces and sloppy kisses. And that above everything else finally makes Kyungsoo start crying, because it is the one thing that he wants to promise Jongin so badly but will never be able to. In another universe, one of Kyungsoo’s most memorable birthdays is spent in the hospital, hooked up to an IV because they want to make sure that his vitals are in all working order. He watches the drip, drip, drip of the liquids from the bag of fluids into the drip chamber, looping through the hollow tube and then disappearing somewhere inside of Kyungsoo, through the purpley-blue veins that run under his porcelain skin and into the rest of his body: his lungs, perhaps, his kidneys, his liver, his heart— There is a knock on the door, and Kyungsoo’s head up flies up just as it creaks open slowly. A ridiculously colorful cake balanced on two hands enters the room slowly, followed by Jongin’s hesitant, sad, yet beautiful face. “Hello,” Kyungsoo says breathlessly, automatically running a hand through his hair, a nervous habit— only to be held back by the yank of the IV and the simple fact that there is no more hair left on his scalp. “Happy birthday, hyung,” Jongin says quietly, setting the cake on the stand next to Kyungsoo’s bed. His eyes go to it immediately. There are so many different shades of frosting on it, red and blue and green and purple and yellow, and then white for the signature. Happy 50th Birthday, Do Kyungsoo With a start, Kyungsoo realizes that he is fifty years old. He is fifty years old, and there is a chance that he could be dead by this time tomorrow. But he has a beautiful daughter now and half a century’s worth of memories. He has spent the better part of his life with Kim Jongin by his side. Kyungsoo opens his arms, and Jongin clumsily stumbles into them, slipping underneath the tube from his husband’s IV so that they can curl into each other. The nurse finds them like that an hour later, the cake half-melted next to them— a myriad of messy colors swirling all together— and their breathing matched in time with the other. In another universe, Kyungsoo is declared to be in complete remission after nineteen months of cancer treatment. “There are no detectable cancer cells in your body,” The doctor announces, handing a stunned Kyungsoo and an even more stunned Jongin the lab results. Kyungsoo wonders why the man has given him sheets of paper filled with blurry letters before Jongin throws his arms around his husband’s body, and Kyungsoo realizes he is crying. They call Shieun on the phone, who later admits that she had to be excused from class because she couldn’t stop sobbing. They call Kyungsoo’s parents and Jongin’s mother, who all give their heartfelt congratulations and tell Kyungsoo that they had never lost hope from the very beginning. They call Junmyeon and Jongdae, who both scream loud enough that Kyungsoo finds himself laughing so hard that his stomach hurts. As Jongin drives Kyungsoo home later that afternoon, he talks on and on: about a family weekend trip to Jeju Island, about adopting a puppy together and attending reunions that their old university has planned, about all the dates they can go on together. About the future and everything that it holds. Nothing has ever sounded so nice. In another universe, they go to Puerto Rico for their 50th anniversary. In another universe, Kyungsoo and Jongin sit together on the porch of their retirement home. They still like to hold hands, and they still like to give each other kisses. Shieun visits often with her husband and their three kids, who are the sunshine of their grandparents’ lives. But mostly, they just spend time together. “Do you have any regrets in life?” Jongin suddenly asks him. Kyungsoo looks at Jongin. The wrinkles and the white hair have only happened in recent years. He also has started to have problems with his knees, which never bothered him before when they were young. They don’t make love anymore, and they don’t take spontaneous drives to Busan. But the smile that Kyungsoo loves is still and will always be there. “No,” Kyungsoo answers honestly. “None at all.” In another universe, Kyungsoo and Jongin would have fallen in love. Kyungsoo wonders if he should wake the boy up. He glances at the book in his hand, then moves to put it down for a second so he can walk over to the boy. Suddenly, a group of girls seated nearby laughs a little too loudly. The boy’s head shoots up. After checking the clock on the wall of the library and swearing loudly, he grabs his backpack and runs out of the library. Kyungsoo watches him leave and then goes back to sorting the books. It is only five minutes later that he realizes he is frowning, but for no reason that he can think of.

Comments

The ending

[perfect illusion (from livejournal.com)]

Oh wow this just made my Kaisoo feels go everywhere but the ending just was everything that changed the whole story but this was so beautifully written I love love love it

[(Anonymous)]

noooooooooooo :(

i'm crying this was so beautiful

[blueheadband.livejournal.com]

wait i didn't mean for this to be anonymous lmao

[ineedadance.livejournal.com]

MY HEART

IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL

like im not even too sad about the ending bc everything else was just so wonderful??? Awesome amazing work!!

[shadowhunterrx.livejournal.com]

...I
I just..
I..
like,
gosh. Ehm. First of all, wow.
The way you wrote kaisoos relationship and the way you showed us how they fell in love was so incredibly beautiful, and then the ending.
it was kinda bittersweet, but beautiful nontheless.
thank you for writing this

[kaistoast.livejournal.com]

Ok hit me up. But the ending got me on the ground like fuck. This fic is honestly brilliant and it kinda broke me that ksoo never woke jongin up by the ending but I'd like to believe that he meets Jongin again along the way because they're forever fated to each other. My favorite parts of this part was when Shieun talks to ger dads about middle school. That made me tear up and I would understand the pain of Kyungsoo and Jongin having to explain to their daughter the unfortunate reality that not everyone excepts homosexuality something she grew and bloomed from since she was a child. (This sounds weird. I think it's the wording. Lol.) The most heart breaking scene was when Kyungsoo broke the news of cancer to Jongin and god. The way Jongin cried onto Ksoo's neck made me so emotional from the love that they have for each other and slightly envious ofc but overall, this fic really touches upon the genre of slice of life and is forever brilliant.

[abiaar.livejournal.com]

SCREAMS FUCK REALLY LOUDLY BECAUSE FUCK its soo beautiful :(((((( im just here like:(((((( haha i want this relationship too:(((

But i guess with you adding 'in another universe' in each scene it makes it seem like it is a possibility, therefore there were no promises that they would happen. This takes us to the ending which got me all like >>:( and this literally gave me the urge to do all the nice things next time bc soo you just literally need to wake jongin up!!!!!! Just siGHS this actually ended quite bittersweet for me.

BUT kaisoo growing up !! together !! is so precious and they have a daughter and its beautiful aND kyungsoo letting her have jongin's last name for his dad :"""))) beautiful ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL and i love how it didnt end up angsty ;-; except for the wake up call that its just in another universe like i said before siGHS. Thanks for writing this!!

[shineebean.livejournal.com]

this was achingly beautiful. i loved the progression of their relationship, especially the coffee dates and how strong they built up their partnership to be. even though in the end it was a lost opportunity, seeing what was possible was still so satisfying. also, the meaning of the title is lovely. thanks so much, author, for your hard work on this fic.

[ineedadance.livejournal.com]

MY HEART

IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL

like im not even too sad about the ending bc everything else was just so wonderful??? Awesome amazing work!!

[yumi907.livejournal.com]

This was so good, and sad to be honest.
The ending made my heart drop a little but strangely enough I liked it a lot.
Thank you for writing this beautiful piece.

[caterplina.livejournal.com]

OMG this fic!!
wow
i loved it!! i loved how you told it. "In another universe,..." i loved it. it was so so interesting to see fragments of their lives together like this. wow :)

[periwinklepie.livejournal.com]

I... wow, I started to tear up. This story was beautifully written!

The ending really got me though T-T I COULD FEEL MY HEART SINKING

But, I believe they would've met again... fate :D (I hope ;-; )

[adrycn-9.livejournal.com]

OHHH MY. Okay honestly when i saw broken!kaisoo i was a bit hesitant to read it because my heart is so so weak, and cant handle the pain... HOWEVER, im so glad i read this! This wa so beautiful, and it pulled on my heartstrings in all the right ways! Words cannot explain how much i loved this and loved reading how kaisoos love grew as the years passed by! These kinda fics make me aspire to have this kind of love in my life omgggg, but in this universe and not an alternate one!! Alright this is getting long so ill just end here before i never stop talking about this gr8ness. This was 11/10 amazing amazing <3

[daintydewdrops.livejournal.com]

*SCREAMS AT KYUNGSOO* "Son, u should have woken him up!" lakdjasdfj *Cries*

WAIT. OMYGHAD. ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, WHY DO I FELT THE NEED TO CRY EVERY TIME I AM READING A KAISOO FIC ESPECIALLY IF IT'S BEAUTIFUL AS THIS ONE??? IS IT WRONG??!! :((((

Wow. All I can say is wow. This is painfully beautiful. I was captivated by this fic. It was so so beautifully written. I was getting nervous on the latter parts of the fic. But I am very much satisfied bcs I still know that Kaisoo somehow is meant to be together. :')

God, I am in love with this fic. It left me breathless. :')

Ah, authornim thank you for this one. <3 :') U r an amazing person for sharing this to us. *Gives u all my love* <3

[pocketks.livejournal.com]

hello death take me into your sweet hold and let me lay there for eternity as i ponder life and more importantly, this fic, because FUck

just wow??? I love that last line so, so much, you have no idea. I love all of this though. I love the beautiful relationship of kaisoo in that alternate universe, because seeing how happy and pure their love is in that world, how so much happened between them, makes the last scene even sadder. all of that is lost just because of a group of girls laughing too loud smh oh god this is so bittersweet, i'm stuNNED. fuck. it's getting to me now oh my gosh it might also be the fact that it's past midnight for me but i'm suddenly getting rly teary over what is losT AND HOW THEY WON'T GET TO EXPERIENCE THAT WHOLEe wonderful life of falling in love and getting married and raising shieun together and kyungsoo being a cancer survivor and i'm juST :'''''(

kaisooaufest has spoiled me with the happy endings and now i'm dealt with this what do i do author

anywAY thanks for writing and sharing with us!!!! it was beautifully written :-)

[sootea.livejournal.com]

AJSJSISIAKWIIAjbwffmelao$/$/)/
WHEEZES


omg

[darkreminisce.livejournal.com]

i knew it was gonna end like that ): BUT THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL STORIES IVE EVER READ
the ending made me sad but everything that happened in another universe definitely made up for it
so so beautifully written, i almost cried when soo had cancer but he's a strong man (':
their love was the sweetest, even as they got older
you got my heart, thank you for writing!!!

[bokuwatadautau.livejournal.com]

TT^TT
i loooved it from start to end! Theyre so in love waaah why didnt you wake him up ksoo??? But its okay because there was more than enough heartfelt moments in the other universe (lbr you cant have enough kaisoo moments doee)

Thankyouuuu

[geebee15.livejournal.com]

Oh my god

Why

These are my feelings rn: 🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃

Okay, that aside, that was beautiful! I thought it was gonna end in tragedy, but it's really more of a hopeful/open ending! Loved the ride through their lives. Really enjoyed reading this. Oh, multiverses. This story reminded me of my college philosophy classes and how we discussed possibilities of having multiverses. Wouldn't that be cool.

[(Anonymous)]

Ok im speechless ryt now..bt i like to imagine dey actully will fall in love eventualy. They have to.
Thank you author nim for this beautiful story

[w-anderingheart.livejournal.com]

gaaaah ;;

my heart was like clenched the entire time i was reading this omg bc i /knewwwww/ the ending was gonna punch me in the gut but it was still so amazing!! i thought you structured the narrative beautifully. it felt really dreamy and bittersweet and not overly angsty. it was perfect! kaisoo being so /in love/ always got me shook. i love this a lot ~~~~ <3 <3

[jas1922.livejournal.com]

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL IT MADE ME CRY WHYYYYY TT^TT

[wetpaintings.livejournal.com]

It is only after reading this that I realized tears were falling down my face, for so many reasons from this well written piece. ; A ;
It stung my heart, but in a good way. Now I need to go look up Stephen Hawking's theory on parallel universe.

[ridzithenerd.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD IM CRYING
THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL BUT THAT ENDING 😭😭😭 in another universe, they may have had this amazing life but in THIS universe i believe they're still fated together ♡ thank you for sharing!!

[squishoo.livejournal.com]

I cried in the middle of the fic because of how wonderful their story was in another universe. And it did not completely make me sad that in this universe, kyungsoo wasn't able to wake Jongin up. Because i know in the alternate universe, there is Jongin and Kyungsoo together. Thank you for writing this. I am still sniffling as I write this ❤❤

[nudaetelhu.livejournal.com]

I WAS DAMMET INKNEW THE ENDING WAS GONNA BE STH KIKE THAT BUT IT WAS STILL BETTER.

I love this. It's so cool, and so nice and cute and so so sigh. Kaisoo, bless my heart forever thank you