When it’s nearing eight o’clock Soojin walks in and tells the kids to go upstairs and get ready for bed.
Taeil immediately starts tearing up. “H-Hyung, c-can’t you s-stay with us?” He looks up at Jongin and Kyungsoo’s heart nearly breaks.
People come and people leave, Kyungsoo knows that feeling all too well. Jongin is probably the first person that understands Taeil so well and it’s obvious from how the boy is clinging to him that he already likes him a lot.
“I’m sorry, I can’t stay here Taeil.” Jongin mumbles, rubbing the boy’s back when he starts crying.
“Taeil, how about you go get ready for bed and Jongin hyung can read you a story after?” Kyungsoo looks up at Jongin to check if it’s okay and Jongin quickly nods.
“C-Can you read m-me Pororo?” Taeil sniffles, still clinging to Jongin’s shoulders.
Jongin chuckles. “Yeah, of course.”
Taeil wipes his tears away and stands up. Kyungsoo nudges Naeun who’s already half asleep in his lap. “Hey little one. Go and help Taeil brush his teeth, will you?”
Naeun nods immediately and runs up to hold Taeil’s hand like she’s his bigger sister.
Once both kids are out of the room Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and the latter holds his gaze until suddenly, they both start smiling.
“I thought children didn’t like you.” Kyungsoo says and Jongin laughs nervously and Kyungsoo can’t stop himself from smiling at the ground.
He isn’t sure what’s going on but there’s a light feeling in his chest and it’s not going away no matter how many deep breaths he takes.
“Naeun seems to love you a lot. She hasn’t let go of you all evening.” Jongin remarks.
“I think it’s because I’m the only male figure in her life.” Kyungsoo shrugs but Jongin shakes his head.
“But you love her too. Your smile is different when you look at her.”
They stare at each other for a few tense seconds before they get interrupted by Naeun’s voice from upstairs, shouting that they’re ready.
Kyungsoo looks for Taeil’s favorite Pororo book so Jongin can read it to him. When he walks back to his bed Jongin is sitting on the mattress with both kids curled into his sides.
“They forced me.” Jongin says and Kyungsoo wishes he would stop being so nervous. It’s not like Kyungsoo is going to scold him for being nice to the kids.
He chuckles and hands Jongin the book. “I know, they can be little monsters.”
Naeun giggles and reaches her hands out. “Come sit with us, oppa!”
“The bed’s too small, Naeun. I’ll read to you next time, okay?” Kyungsoo goes to sit on the chair next to the bed but Naeun starts whining.
“No, here! I can sit on your lap!” She insists, suddenly pouting almost like she knows how Kyungsoo can’t deny her anything when she looks at him with those eyes.
“Naeun, please-”
“Hyung, it’s okay.” Jongin suddenly says, tapping Taeil to get the boy to sit on his lap. He moves to the side of the mattress. “There’s enough room here.”
No, there’s definitely not. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to be squeezed into a small bed with Kim Jongin.
But Naeun looks at him accusingly, like he’s breaking her heart and he’s just too soft when it comes to the little girl.
“Okay, get up.” He grunts and moves to sit down on the bed, Naeun plopping into his lap happily right after.
His entire right side is pressed up against Jongin’s, he can feel every shift of Jongin’s muscles through the thin fabric of their shirts and when Jongin moves to open the book, he’s hit with the faint scent of mint again, just like back at the club.
He tries to focus on the story he’s read to the kids a hundred times before. Tries to relax to the sound of them giggling but Jongin is making ridiculous voices while he’s reading and the laughter that rumbles through him makes Kyungsoo’s skin tingle in all the wrong ways.
Naeun and Taeil fall asleep, a bit later than they usually would but Kyungsoo guesses they were fighting sleep so they could spend more time with Jongin. When Taeil starts snoring Jongin carefully closes the book and places it on the table beside the bed.
He turns to look at Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo feels a little heady with how close they’re sitting.
“That was impressive.” Kyungsoo says and Jongin soon enough rubs at the skin behind his ear.
He chuckles silently. “Thanks.”
Taeil suddenly sleepily reaches up and touches Jongin's face, nearly poking his chubby fingers into the boy's eye.
Kyungsoo snickers upon seeing the weirded out expression on Jongin's face. "Why is he doing that?"
“He likes to touch people's eyelashes when he's falling asleep." Kyungsoo explains, the corners of his lips twitching when Jongin furrows his eyebrows in confusion.
He frowns and squints his eye so the little boy actually doesn't poke him and Kyungsoo chuckles softly when Taeil starts running his fingertips over Jongin's eyelashes, snuggling some more into Jongin's chest. "I've never seen a kid do that."
“Yeah, it's kind of weird. I don't know how he picked that habit up to be honest. He likes to do it more on Joohyun or Seulgi though because they're wearing makeup and it makes their lashes longer."
They both laugh quietly but Jongin's gaze on the sleeping toddler in his lap turns soft. He circles his arms around Taeil's small frame and the little boy turns his head to hide it in Jongin's chest like he's seeking for warmth and comfort. Kyungsoo's chest feels warm as he watches how gently Jongin is holding him, how Taeil has his fingers curled around Jongin's wrist like he's trying to make him stay, even in his sleep. "He's really adorable. They all are." Jongin whispers quietly. His eyes turn a bit sad as he takes in the sad excuses for beds on the floor and Kyungsoo turns his head away.
It's silent again for a moment. Kyungsoo can hear the girls talking downstairs and the older kids who are allowed to stay up a little longer giggle in the room next door.
“I admire you for what you're doing." Jongin whispers, making Kyungsoo look up at him again. “Taeil told me you bring them a lot of toys and clothes."
Kyungsoo shifts, slightly uneasy with how warm Jongin's eyes on him feel. He's not nearly doing enough. It will never be enough until Kyungsoo can find a way to turn back time and stop their mothers from giving up on them.
Jongin keeps staring at him and Kyungsoo keeps avoiding his eyes. "I didn't think you'd be like this." The younger mumbles.
“Like what?"
“Don't know. You always look so... indifferent at work. I don't think I've ever seen you smile until today with the kids." He pauses and looks away, his voice a little shaky when he speaks again. “You should smile more often. It suits you.“
Kyungsoo freezes for a moment and feels his face heat up which hasn't happened in so long and he forgot how much he hates the feeling, knowing that his cheeks must look flushed right now but not being able to do anything about it. "We should go before we wake them up." He clears his throat and wraps Naeun's legs around himself so he can lift her up from his sitting position.
They put the kids into their beds silently and when they step away they end up knocking into each other. Jongin's hands reach out to steady Kyungsoo, a hushed "Sorry" slipping past his lips and Kyungsoo just turns around and flees the room like he's being chased because the way his heart just flipped definitely wasn’t something he ever agreed to.
They’re about to leave, half an hour later, and it seems like it’s not only the children that took a liking to Jongin.
Soojin hands Jongin a bag full of containers with food and no matter how much Jongin tries to deny it, she’s not having it. “You’re too skinny, just like our Kyungsoo.”
“Make sure to visit again, okay?” Joohyun says and Jongin nods and no one but Kyungsoo sees the miserable look in his eyes.
Seulgi hugs Kyungsoo before they leave. “Thank you for the money, Soo.” She whispers, hugging him tighter.
Kyungsoo sighs and rubs her back. “It’s fine.”
Jongin is silent until they’re sitting in his car again.
He’s silent after that too, all the way to Kyungsoo’s apartment. Kyungsoo can’t help but feel it’s his fault, knows that Jongin probably feels extremely guilty right now, which was the plan but Kyungsoo doesn’t like how it makes him feel in return.
Jongin parks the car in front of Kyungsoo’s apartment and he proceeds to gaze at the neighborhood mindlessly.
Kyungsoo wonders what he’s thinking because it’s obvious from the condition of the streets and apartments that only people from the lower middle class live here.
“They’re really nice.” Jongin breaks the silence.
“I know.”
“I feel like a fucking asshole.” Jongin chuckles humorlessly and Kyungsoo sighs, cursing himself, cursing his friends and Jongin’s parents.
“You don’t have to.” Kyungsoo mumbles. “It’s not like you knew what your parents were doing.”
“But they’re my parents. I feel ashamed that they are being so cruel.” Jongin shakes his head and takes a deep breath after. “I’ll try to talk to them, hyung. But you... you need to understand, they’re my parents I can’t- I can’t question them so directly. I mean you’d understand, right? You wouldn’t want to accuse your parents of something like this either.”
Kyungsoo smiles, small and bitter as he nods his head.
“Of course not.” It comes out slightly choked and Kyungsoo wants to leave this damn car right now. He has never had a problem talking about this but this entire night has been toying with his feelings and he just wants to go to sleep. “Thanks for giving me a ride.” Kyungsoo unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches for the door handle, fumbling with it since there’s no real handle to begin with.
“Wait.” Jongin chuckles and reaches his arm over him, the side of his torso pressing up against Kyungsoo’s chest and there’s the smell of mint and Jongin’s warmth and Kyungsoo grits his teeth. Jongin opens the door for him and Kyungsoo quickly leaves the car. “See you at work tomorrow?”
Kyungsoo nods. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight hyung.”
Jongin’s car doesn’t make a sound as he drives away and Kyungsoo doesn’t know why he feels like calling Jongin back to tell him the truth.
Needless to say, he goes through a sleepless night once again.
Kyungsoo gets these pains from time to time, on the left side of his chest right above his heart and a little under his collarbone.
He felt it for the first time two years ago and thought he had a problem with his heart. However, once he was sure he wasn’t going to die he didn’t bother going to the doctor to get it checked out.
Until last year, when he nearly passed out while watching a movie with Sehun in his apartment. It was hard to breathe through the pain and he started wheezing and Sehun drove him into the ER because he thought his best friend was dying.
Kyungsoo wasn’t dying nor did he have a problem with his heart.
The pain was caused by the muscles around his spine tensing up so much that started affecting other muscles in his body too. Mainly his chest, causing them to stiffen and inflame.
It helps when he presses his knuckles left and right on his spine but it’s hard to reach so he mostly just ignores it until the pain goes away.
“Does your chest hurt again?” Sehun asks while he’s blowing some air into his tea to cool it off. The office isn’t as crowded today, a lot of employees being on a statistics seminar.
Kyungsoo shakes his head. Sehun rolls his eyes and a moment later he stands behind Kyungsoo and pats his shoulder, motioning for him to get up. Kyungsoo sighs and stands and Sehun expertly presses his knuckles into the right muscles, making Kyungsoo wince from the harsh pain it shoots up his spine. He presses them in there for about a minute before Kyungsoo exhales shakily, the muscles loosening up and giving him room to breathe.
“Better?” Sehun steps away and sits back at his desk.
“Yes. Thank you.” Kyungsoo smiles at his best friend because no matter how much they fight and how annoying Sehun can be, he’s probably the best friend Kyungsoo could ask for.
“So, what’s going on? Is Jongin going to talk to his parents?”
Kyungsoo sits down and nods. “He said so... I don’t think we should expect much from it though.”
“We’ll see about that. You didn’t tell them who he is though, right?”
“No.”
“So, I’m guessing they liked him.”
Kyungsoo nods.
Sehun grunts. “More than me?”
“Sehun.” Kyungsoo groans, chuckling when Sehun pouts at him.
It doesn’t affect him when Sehun makes silly faces like this so it annoys him immensely that he reacted the way he did when Jongin did the same yesterday.
When Jongin walks in a moment later he looks in the direction of Kyungsoo’s desk and Kyungsoo contemplates looking away, acting like he didn’t see him but then Jongin smiles at him, shy and small but genuine and Kyungsoo physically can’t look away. Jongin stares at him until someone calls his name which makes him look away and turn around.
“What the actual fuck.”
“What?”
“What was that?!” Sehun glares at him.
Kyungsoo shifts in his seat. “What are you talking about?”
Sehun’s eyes are wider than usual. “He’s fucking smitten with you!”
Kyungsoo feels his heart plummet to the pit of his stomach. “Don’t be an idiot.”
“No, the only idiot here is you!”
Kyungsoo glares at him like never before and Sehun cowers a bit. “I’m sorry hyung... But I’m being completely serious right now. What did you do to him? You’re like a grumpy grandpa why the hell would he like you?!”
“You’re being stupid.” Kyungsoo takes a calming breath and shakes his head. “Have you been watching those dramas again?”
“Maybe.” Sehun shrugs. He’s silent for a while before he curses under his breath. “This is all my fault. I came up with this plan and now the enemy’s fallen for my tiny hyung.”
“No one has fallen for anyone.” Kyungsoo hisses.
“You wouldn’t know! You’re romantically inept! You wouldn’t know someone was in love with you even if they told you straight to your face!”
“Drop it!”
“I forbid you from taking him to the orphanage again.” Sehun says. “We’ll come up with another plan. I’m not leaving you alone with that pervert-“
The rubber band Kyungsoo sends flying against his arm makes Sehun howl in pain and look at him like has Kyungsoo betrayed him.
But it made him shut up so there’s that.
Taeil doesn’t stop asking about Jongin when Kyungsoo visits them two days later. Even the girls want Kyungsoo to bring Jongin with him again.
Kyungsoo has to promise to bring Jongin along since otherwise, Taeil won’t stop crying.
It starts feeling like he’s stuck into quicksand and he sinks in deeper the more he tries to set things right.
For the next few days Kyungsoo tries to figure out how should he approach Jongin and ask him to come and visit the orphanage again or at least try to find out if the boy has talked to his parents about it.
It’s not only hard because Kyungsoo is awkward as hell and isn’t sure how to approach him but also because he rarely ever sees Jongin at the office anymore. He’s working from seven to god knows when and only leaves his office to use the bathroom or grab lunch with Chanyeol or Junmyeon.
They only have seen each other twice in the past three days and Jongin did the same thing every time: Look into Kyungsoo’s eyes, give him that smile and look away again.
Kyungsoo simply refuses to believe that there could be something true behind the things Seulgi or Sehun implied.
He’s not even thinking of Jongin at this point, it’s his own thoughts that are making him feel like he’s losing his mind.
Kyungsoo can positively say that there hasn’t been one moment in his life so far where he ever thought about someone in a romantic or even sexual way.
When he told this to Sehun a few months after his friend failed to set him up with pretty girls his first assumption was that Kyungsoo was gay.
He started introducing random dudes to Kyungsoo. Nothing happened. Kyungsoo told him the same thing again.
Now Sehun is perfectly sure that Kyungsoo is either aromantic, asexual or both.
And to be honest, Kyungsoo would prefer it if that was the case but it’s not.
His past doesn’t really allow him to get too close to people. Especially not when it’s about love because when you love someone, losing them feels like a near death experience. At least, that’s what he’s been told.
He remembers exactly how it felt to lose his friends one by one back in the orphanage. How it felt to lose that one caretaker that had been like a father to him for three years before he decided to leave.
So Kyungsoo is absolutely terrified when he finds himself staring at Jongin for too long when the boy decides to leave his office for more than two minutes.
When he catches himself thinking about how sad Jongin looked talking with Taeil about him getting bullied as a kid.
How the slightest hint of mint suddenly reminds him of Jongin.
He wants to blow the entire thing off just so he can avoid Jongin and stop himself from acting like this.
When he runs into Jongin (literally) the next day after work in the parking lot he decides he will put an end to it.
It’s better for both of them but mostly for Kyungsoo. He won’t feel so guilty anymore and his stomach won’t constantly be in knots whenever he catches a glimpse of Jongin’s form around the office.
“This is, like, the third time this has happened.” Jongin chuckles and squats to pick up the folders that fell from his hands when him and Kyungsoo stumbled into each other while Kyungsoo was looking for his car keys.
Kyungsoo helps him organize the pages back into the folders. He repeats the words he had prepared over and over again so he won’t fuck it up because this is his chance to make this madness stop.
But he suddenly spots something that doesn’t look like a report or numbers or anything work related for that matter.
It’s a drawing.
Not just one, there’s a bunch of them.
Kyungsoo frowns and pulls one away on instinct when Jongin reaches out to take it from him.
“Hyung-” Jongin starts but Kyungsoo shakes his head and studies the pattern of lines in his hands. It’s a drawing of a stag.
It’s... amazing.
There are flowers - baby’s breath, Kyungsoo realizes on closer inspection - its horns and thin lines look like threads wound around them.
“Did you draw this?” Kyungsoo asks, not even remembering what he wanted to say before.
Jongin looks at him warily before he nods.
“I... I didn’t know you could draw so well.” Kyungsoo looks up and his breath falters when he sees how Jongin is looking at him. “That’s really impressive.” He clears his throat and reaches the drawing out to give it back.
Jongin is strangely silent as he looks at the paper. He reaches out to take it.
The tips of their fingers brush and Jongin doesn’t pull away. He lets the drawing hang between their hands and Kyungsoo’s hand is tingling, from his fingertips all the way up to the bend of his elbow.
Jongin looks up again and his dark eyes are kind of mesmerizing.
“No one...” Jongin finally pulls his hand back and with it the drawing of the stag. “No one really knows.” He says as he puts all the drawings back into the black leather folder. Kyungsoo has the urge to ask to see the other ones as well but he knows it’s not his place.
Jongin already seemed reluctant to let him look at that one drawing.
“Why not?”
“It’s kind of a long story.”
Kyungsoo nods and looks away, down at Jongin’s hands and sure enough there is a smudge of black on Jongin’s hand again. “Do you draw at the office too?”
Jongin furrows his eyebrows and follows the line of Kyungsoo’s sight. The tips of his ears turn red when he realizes what Kyungsoo’s referring to. He rubs at the spot to remove it. “I do. Sometimes during lunch or after work. The lighting in the office is really nice. It... I don’t know. It helps me relax.”
Kyungsoo thinks about what Baekhyun told him, about Jongin’s aggression problem, about him going to therapy to overcome it and control himself. He wonders if drawing helps him with that.
He remembers what he wanted to say but when he opens his lips it’s not the words he wanted to say that come out. “Taeil asked about you.” He says, cursing himself to the moon and back as soon as the words are out. “He... I think he misses you.”
“Really?” Jongin’s entire face lights up and Kyungsoo can’t find it in himself to be mad anymore, not when Jongin looks so happy about something so small. “I miss him too. He’s really adorable.”
The question is obvious, hanging between them in the air. “Do you want to see him again?” Kyungsoo asks, his heart pounding as he does it.
Jongin shrugs, eyes boring into Kyungsoo’s. “Would that be okay with you?”
“Yes. Sure.” Kyungsoo clears his throat again. “I’m going tomorrow after work. Uhm, if you want to come too.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Jongin smiles. “So, same as last time?”
Kyungsoo guesses Jongin is asking about driving and he nods. “I can drive too, you know. But I’m not sure I want to put you through that.” He nods his head towards his car and Jongin turns to look at it, chuckling once he spots it.
“It’s cute.” He smiles, looking back into Kyungsoo’s eyes and his own crinkle in the corners again. Kyungsoo suddenly just wants to get out of here.
“Alright. See you tomorrow.” He gets up, his knees cracking from crouching down for so long.
“Hyung.“ Jongin says as they both get back up on their feet. “Are you busy right now?”
Kyungsoo fixes the strap of his bag, shrugging his shoulders. "I was just going home. Why?”
Jongin looks extremely nervous for some reason. People never really get like this around Kyungsoo, it’s mostly the other way around but he supposes that Jongin is just a very shy person from nature. "Do you want to grab a coffee or something?”
“What?” Kyungsoo can’t help but frown at the question. Why would Jongin want to grab a coffee with him?
What does that even mean? Kyungsoo honestly doesn’t know, no one has ever asked him to go grab a coffee with them before.
He knows that it sometimes is considered to be a date but surely Jongin didn’t refer to that, right?
Jongin’s eyes widen when he notices Kyungsoo’s confusion and he hurriedly shakes his head. “Oh no! I didn’t mean it like that. I just have a few questions about the orphanage... But if you don’t have time that’s totally fine.“
“Oh.” Kyungsoo clears his throat, fighting the urge in his mind to decline right away. It’s like there are alarm bells going off in his head, telling him to turn around and flee before it’s too late.
But it’s just coffee, right? And if Kyungsoo can answer him a few questions that only heightens the chances of Jongin wanting to help him with the issue.
He sighs. Sehun would be so proud of him.
“I guess I have a little time.” He says and tries to ignore the way Jongin’s eyes light up for a second.
Jongin drives them to a café Kyungsoo has never been in before.
And once they step inside and takes a look at the price table he understands why.
God, does he even have that much money in his wallet?
“Hi Jongin.” A girl with a pink apron walks up to them, smiling at Jongin warmly. "Haven’t seen you here in a while.”
“Hi Noona.“ Jongin smiles sheepishly. "Yeah, work’s keeping me pretty busy.”
The girl hums. "Slowly following in your father’s footsteps, I see?”
“Yeah, well. Someone has to.” Jongin clears his throat once he remembers Kyungsoo standing next to them. "This is Kyungsoo hyung, he’s working for Taemin too.”
Kyungsoo and the woman exchange their greetings and Kyungsoo tries not to stare too much but it’s hard since everyone related to Jongin in some kind of way seems to possess a kind of beauty that just seems out of this world.
It makes him feel like he shouldn’t even breathe in the same air as them.
“You guys go sit down. I’ll bring you your orders in a minute.” The woman who introduces herself as Yoona says after asking them what they’d like to drink.
“Can you put them in paper cups?” Jongin asks, turning to look at Kyungsoo. “I mean, if it’s okay. I thought we could take a walk…”
Kyungsoo hurriedly nods. “Yeah. Of course.” He’d feel better being out in the open rather than stuck somewhere with Jongin anyway.
Yoona slowly nods her head and Kyungsoo directs his eyes somewhere else when he notices the subtle lift of one of her eyebrows in Jongin’s direction.
Jongin clears his throat and guides Kyungsoo away with a hand on his elbow, away from the woman and towards the end of the counter where they give out the finished orders. They stand there in silence for a moment and Kyungsoo takes his time to admire the interior of the café and the unique architecture of it.
“She has a degree in interior design.” Jongin explains after taking in Kyungsoo’s curious eyes. “Her fiancé’s the owner of the café so she’s responsible for the entire design. It’s nice, isn’t it?”
Kyungsoo looks up at him and tries not to shy away from Jongin’s attentive gaze on him. People usually don’t look at him like that, like for some reason they’re entirely focused on him. “It’s really pretty.” He looks at the the little different shapes of glass containers everywhere, the rims made out of gold and copper, little candles and succulents placed inside of them.
Yoona passes them and winks at Jongin and Kyungsoo can’t help but notice how relaxed Jongin seems, how he doesn’t hesitate to smile at her when at the office it seems impossible to get the boy to lift the corners of his mouth for a moment.
Once she leaves Kyungsoo clears his throat. “You seem to know her pretty well.”
Jongin purses his lips. “She used to babysit me.”
“Really?” Kyungsoo looks to where the woman is standing behind the counter, pouring some whipped cream on top of a drink. She doesn’t look much older than them.
Jongin chuckles. “She’s already thirty. Great genes, right?”
Kyungsoo chuckles and nods his head. They fall silent then, surrounded by the soft tunes of some indie song. It’s warm and smells nice in here and Kyungsoo feels really sleepy all of a sudden. He isn’t one to do things after work like most of his colleagues who go out for drinks most of the time. Usually he’d be home taking a hot shower while the rice for his dinner is cooking.
When Yoona hands them their coffees a while later Kyungsoo reaches for his wallet to pay for it but Jongin waves him off, which makes Kyungsoo give him a stern look.
“You’re not paying for me.”
‘It’s just a coffee.” Jongin mumbles.
“No, please don’t.” Kyungsoo feels his skin prickle for some reason. He doesn’t like this at all, he doesn’t like people paying for his things because it’s what Sehun does, what Baekhyun does because they know how he’s struggling with money all the time.
Jongin probably doesn’t know that but that doesn’t manage to make him feel better about this in any way.
“And I asked you to grab a coffee with me, right? It’s only polite to pay for it if you invite someone.” Jongin frowns at him as he hands a bill to Yoona who regards them with a strange look while she walks to the cash register.
Kyungsoo keeps his mouth shut, feeling heat spread on his face.
It’s not because he’s touched by Jongin’s gesture.
He’s just frustrated and embarrassed that someone younger than him pays for his stuff when it definitely should be the other way around.
It makes him wonder if those mannerisms even apply anymore if there’s such a huge difference in social status.
"Keep the change.” Jongin shakes his head when Yoona wants to hand him a few bills which makes Kyungsoo notice just how much money Jongin gave her.
“Jongin…” Yoona sighs but Jongin only grabs their coffees and turns to walk away.
“Say hi to Minho hyung from me, will you?” He asks over his shoulder while holding the door open for Kyungsoo with his arm.
Yoona gives him a strange smile on his way out and Kyungsoo can feel her eyes burn into his back until they’re out of the café.
“Thank you.” Kyungsoo mumbles after they’ve been walking for five minutes, heading towards what he guesses to be the park with the lake. “For the coffee.”
Jongin smiles at him. “It’s fine.”
The air around them grows colder steadily as the sun slowly disappears as well. The frosty wind biting at his skin feels like a reminder that winter is coming.
Kyungsoo suddenly realizes that he still hasn’t watched the new season of Game Of Thrones and that makes him think that he’d rather be home catching up on the series than walking beside Kim Jongin with an anxious mind.
They don’t really talk until they’ve reached the park which is practically empty due to the ugly weather. It makes everything seem really calm, just the patch of nature in the middle of the crowded city with leaves falling from trees and the lake in the middle looking like it’s already frozen.
After sitting down on one of the benches along the lake Kyungsoo curls his fingers around the paper cup in his hand in hopes of warming them up.
"You said you had questions about the orphanage.” Kyungsoo asks, trying to speed things up since Jongin seems really hesitant for some reason.
He turns to look at Jongin when the boy doesn’t answer him instantly. Jongin is staring at the lake like he’s looking for answers to a question.
"Hyung.“ He mumbles without looking at Kyungsoo. "What’s going to happen to them?“
And somehow Kyungsoo just knows what he’s talking about. He turns to gaze at the lake as well, watches the ripples on the surface caused by the cold breeze in the air. "I’m not sure.” He answers. "They will probably be assigned to foster families across the country.“
"But that’s not so bad, right?” Jongin’s voice is hesitant and careful, like he knows that he’s treading on thin ice with this subject. "At least they will have a family.”
Kyungsoo likes to think that he’s a well composed person, that he is in control of his emotions rather than the other way around.
But something in him snaps whenever someone does as much as imply something negative about the orphanage or the kids and the care takers.
"They already have a family.” Kyungsoo bites out, well aware that that’s not true but calling those money-mad people family is even further from the truth.
"I’m sorry.” Jongin is quick to say once he notices how reserved Kyungsoo suddenly seems. "I just mean... I know that the caretakers love the kids but I imagine it must be hard taking care of each child’s needs individually if there’s a dozen of them. A child needs full attention, right?”
Kyungsoo grits his teeth together. He knows what Jongin says is true but he can’t help but feel like the boy is trying to justify his parents’ actions, like he’s trying to twist the truth so it looks like his parents are actually trying to help them instead of them robbing them of their home.
"I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just trying to understand.” Jongin says and he sounds genuinely sorry.
Kyungsoo loosens his death grip on his cup and takes a deep breath. "I know. Sorry for snapping at you.”
"Don’t... Please don’t apologize.” Jongin sighs and presses his eyes closed. "Hyung, please believe me that I’m not trying to defend my parents. I’m really not. Especially not after meeting the kids.”
They’re both silent again for a moment, listening to traffic outside of the park and the few birds that haven’t left for the south yet.
"Are you close with your parents?” Kyungsoo breaks the silence.
"Yes.” Jongin says without hesitating and then, like he knows what Kyungsoo’s thinking, he adds “Just because they have a lot of money doesn’t mean they’re heartless people, you know?“ There’s a solemn smile on his face that manages to make Kyungsoo feel bad for a second.
"They raised me with so much love. They always put me first despite their loaded work schedules. They’ve never done anything to purposely harm other people. That’s why I’m so confused about this. I don’t get why my parents would ever do something like that.”
Kyungsoo mulls over Jongin’s words. "Maybe there’s things they don’t tell you about. They kept the deal with the orphanage a secret too, didn’t they?”
“I know.” Jongin gulps and he looks so miserable that Kyungsoo feels guilt well up in his chest once again. He doesn’t think it’s fair that Jongin is getting all the blame for the things his parents are doing. "I have another question, if that’s okay.“ Jongin turns to look at him and Kyungsoo is momentarily distracted by how red the tip of his nose is from the cold.
It makes him look like a child and something twists in Kyungsoo’s chest for some unknown reason.
"Shoot.”
"How come you know the kids and the workers at the orphanage so well?” Jongin asks.
If Kyungsoo were to tell the truth he’d tell Jongin that he grew up with Joohyun and Seulgi. He’d tell him that they used to play hide and seek in the garden and build blanket forts all over the house. He would tell him about that time Kyungsoo broke his arm after he fell from the tree and how Seulgi and Joohyun carried him inside and didn’t go to sleep until he came back from the hospital late at night.
He would tell him that Soojin would kiss him goodnight and put colorful band aids on his injuries. He would describe how Soojin would stay up all night to try and get Kyungsoo’s fever down. He would tell him how he used to call Soojin mom until he was old enough to realize that the woman was not his real mother.
"I went to college with Seulgi and Joohyun.“ He lies instead. "Once they started working at the orphanage after I helped them with building furniture and things like that. And then I just... kept going back.“
Jongin looks at him for a few seconds and Kyungsoo wonders if he can tell that Kyungsoo lied but Jongin ends up nodding his head. "I see.“
Kyungsoo changes the subject before Jongin can ask him anymore questions for which he wouldn’t be able to come up with a plausible answer instantly. "So, why didn’t you pursue art?”
This makes the boy tense up and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Kyungsoo. "I only recently started drawing and by then I was already about to graduate in business. And someone needs to take over my dad’s company in the future, right? So I never really considered it.”
Kyungsoo takes Jongin’s features in, how soft every line on his face seems. "But would you do it? If you had the chance?”
Jongin shrugs. "I don’t think I’m good enough.”
"You are.” Kyungsoo is quick to say. "I mean. I don’t understand much about art but from what I saw you’re really... really talented.”
Jongin looks up at him and Kyungsoo wishes he didn’t because the look on his face is too intimate all of a sudden. His ears are dusted in pink and it should look stupid but it makes Jongin seem vulnerable and somehow that ignites an urge inside of Kyungsoo’s chest, to make sure that Jongin is okay and feels comfortable around him which is ridiculous. Kyungsoo definitely isn’t supposed to care. "What about you?”
"What about me?”
"Is there anything that’s important to you?” Jongin asks. A gush of wind hits them and Jongin visibly shudders. "Besides the orphanage, I mean.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "No.”
"No?”
"What else could there be?” Kyungsoo huffs, burrowing some more into his jacket.
"I don’t know.” Jongin frowns and Kyungsoo tries really hard not to get lost in Jongin’s face, his red bitten lips, his dark gaze, the way his skin seems to glow despite the grey surrounding them.
Kyungsoo tries really hard not to be one of them, who turn stupid at the sight of him.
"There has to be something that makes you happy, right?”
"There is.” Kyungsoo sighs. "The children being safe and happy. That makes me happy.”
Jongin stares at him for a while and his gaze softens and Kyungsoo wants to tell him to stop. He needs to stop. "Are you ever selfish, hyung?”
Kyungsoo finally turns to look Jongin in the eyes, resisting the urge to let his gaze wander south to his lips. "I’m always selfish.”
"I don’t believe that.” Jongin licks his lips and Kyungsoo’s breath falters. "You look really tired, you know? You always look tired.”
"Always?” Kyungsoo chuckles because he doesn’t like how serious and... worried Jongin sounds.
"We have been working together for more than a year, you know? I’ve never seen you look well rested.”
"Sounds like you were watching me a lot, then.” Kyungsoo snorts, trying to ease the atmosphere but Jongin once again foils him.
"Maybe…” He mumbles, averting his eyes nervously when Kyungsoo’s turn confused. "Maybe I was.”
Jongin doesn’t seem to be at the office the next day, at least Kyungsoo doesn’t see him around. He doesn’t know if he just started paying more attention to the man’s whereabouts or if the other is simply busier.
He gets his answer late in the afternoon when he’s about to copy a couple of statistics reports Miyoung gave him earlier.
Jongin is busy alright.
He’s standing at the copier but he’s not alone. A girl is standing behind him, her hands on his shoulders, squeezing as if she’s giving him a massage in the middle of the damn copy room. She’s standing on the tips of her feet despite the high heels in order to whisper something into Jongin’s ear.
She seems to be an intern, judging by the blue badge pinned to her hip.
The nerve.
The papers in Kyungsoo’s hand rustle and the girl whirls around with wide eyes. She steps away from Jongin instantly only to bow hastily and leave the room, the sweet scent of her perfume lingering behind.
Jongin clears his throat, his neck and ears red and Kyungsoo doesn’t even want to know what that girl whispered to him.
“Close the door next time, will you?” Kyungsoo says flatly and turns to leave. He’ll just use the ancient copier in Jongdae’s office.
He doesn’t get far because Jongin holds him back by his elbow. He lets go immediately when Kyungsoo turns around and frowns at him.
“Hyung.” Jongin mumbles. “I... I didn’t do anything. She’s been following me the entire week-”
“Why are you telling me this?” Kyungsoo asks. “I don’t care.”
“But-”
“It’s okay, Jongin.” He doesn’t really mean to say what comes next. “I’ve seen you doing worse things.”
He’s referring to seeing him getting a lap dance by a male stripper when they were at the same club months ago. He means the time a female worker was grabbing at his crotch in his office when they thought no one was at the office anymore. The hickeys on his neck that no amount of concealer could hide.
And Kyungsoo knows that it’s mostly the other people who are to blame because Jongin has an image to uphold, has to be polite and controlled at all times for his family’s sake. At least that’s what Kyungsoo hopes, otherwise he doesn’t understand why Jongin lets people treat him like that when he’s clearly not into it.
Jongin flinches and the hurt is evident in his dark eyes.
Kyungsoo feels horrible as soon as the words leave his lips. He knows how low that was. He knows how much Jongin hates being treated like that by everyone. Saying that made it look like it’s Jongin’s fault that everyone acts like he’s some kind of ladykiller.
“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo mutters.
“It’s okay.” Jongin smiles but he probably knows how wrong it looks.
Baekhyun suddenly walks in but stops with wide eyes once he sees them. The tension in the room. “Uhm. Should I come back later?”
“No.” Kyungsoo shakes his head and steps forward to finally copy those stupid reports.
Jongin leaves and the sickeningly sweet stench of perfume is replaced by the fresh scent of mint.
The ride to the orphanage that evening has got to be the most uncomfortable thirty minutes of Kyungsoo’s life.
Kyungsoo can’t even look at Jongin without feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet and Jongin hasn’t looked at him either ever since they left the office.
He’s trying to muster up the courage to apologize but given how Jongin turns up the volume of the radio he isn’t in the mood to talk so Kyungsoo just keeps his mouth shut until they arrive there.
It’s only when Jongin has turned the engine off and is about to get out the car that Kyungsoo stops him with a quick “Wait.”
Jongin hesitates before lowering himself back into his seat. He doesn’t turn his head, looks down at his lap instead.
“Jongin. I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” Kyungsoo says. “I didn’t mean it and it was uncalled for. I know you’re not like that.”
When Jongin finally turns to look at him he’s smiling, which throws Kyungsoo off. He expected him to be mad at Kyungsoo. “I know. I wasn’t mad at you. I guess I’m just too sensitive sometimes... I was a bit hurt.”
The words feel like a punch to the gut because Jongin is so painfully genuine and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what’s left and right anymore. “Being sensitive isn’t bad.” Kyungsoo dumbly says.
It’s better than all the other things that want to come rushing out when he looks at Jongin, how soft he looks illuminated by the little lantern at the end of the parking space.
“I just don’t understand.” Kyungsoo utters. “Why are they doing this? Everyone knows you’re not... You know, going to give in to their advances.”
Jongin stares out the window for a moment before he sighs, shaking his head. “I was pretty horrible during uni.” He shrugs. “There’s a reason why everyone thinks of me as a player, you
know. I hurt a lot of people.”
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin’s profile and can’t help but frown. The idea of Jongin being anything else but sweet and caring seems entirely wrong. “But you’re nothing like that. I mean... now.”
“Well, I would hope so. I wasn’t a good person at all. You would’ve hated me.” Jongin huffs and his tone is sad all of a sudden.
“So... What caused you to change?”
“A fight at some club.” Is all that Jongin says, his tone bitter and tired and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s referring to the fight Baekhyun mentioned.
He feels bad because he didn’t mean to upset Jongin but the younger seems really down now.
“I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s okay, hyung. Sorry if I made you feel like you had to apologize.”
Kyungsoo can’t handle this.
He groans and tries to get out of the car but he still doesn’t get how that stupid handle works.
“Why doesn’t this car have normal handles?”
Jongin chuckles and reaches over him to open it for him and Kyungsoo nearly whimpers from how nice Jongin smells.
What on earth did he ever do to deserve this?
Taeil pounces Jongin as soon as they step inside.
While Kyungsoo lifts Naeun up to hug her he can’t tear his eyes away from the two, how Taeil is laughing happily and burrowing his head into Jongin’s neck. Kyungsoo has never seen the little boy act like that with anyone before and it makes his heart swell in his chest.
They settle down in the living room since dinner isn’t ready yet. Taeil is tugging Jongin around to show him all his toys and it’s so cute because he’s trying to impress Jongin so hard when it isn’t even necessary.
Jongin seems completely charmed by the three-year-old.
Dinner is just as messy as last time but everyone looks so happy. Jongin is making the kids laugh with his stupid jokes that make Joohyun groan in embarrassment.
Kyungsoo can’t really remember the last time he felt this careless.
Especially since the whole issue with the orphanage came up.
Jongin’s knee touches his under the table on accident because Jongin is ridiculous and laughs with his whole body. Kyungsoo’s heart stutters in his chest when Jongin doesn’t pull it away after a few seconds and even goes as far as pressing it closer and Kyungsoo should pull away but he doesn’t.
It’s just their knees touching but knowing that Jongin is doing it on purpose is doing things to Kyungsoo’s sanity.
Above, Jongin is acting like nothing’s happening underneath the table but Seulgi is raising her eyebrows at Kyungsoo like she knows.
“Still nothing going on between you two?”
It’s the same scenery as last time Jongin came over for dinner. Seulgi and him are cleaning the kitchen and Kyungsoo’s mind is everywhere but here.
“No.”
Seulgi hums. “Would you tell me if there was?”
Kyungsoo looks up at her. “Of course I would. But there isn’t. And there won’t be.”
Seulgi looks almost a little sad as she nods her head. “Okay.”
He puts the towel away and is about to leave when Seulgi stops him. “Kyungsoo... Look, I’ve known you all my life. I believe you, that’s not it. But please, if there’s... something don’t push it away. I know you feel like you can’t be with anyone because of our past but it doesn’t have to be like that.”
They look at each other for a moment and what she’s saying is reasonable. If anyone understands how Kyungsoo feels about those things, it’s Seulgi or Joohyun. “Okay.” He says.
“Promise?” She raises her eyebrows at him.
“Yeah.”
He doesn’t break his promises, especially not when it’s concerning them.
But this time his fingers are crossed behind his back.
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