Jongin walks over to the wall where he has all his wonderful paintings pinned up and starts tearing them down, choked sobs wracking his body as he rips his artwork apart into pieces with his hands. Kyungsoo watches him destroy them helplessly, his hands trembling and his mouth open to tell Jongin to stop it but he can’t.
He doesn’t even know if he should be here.
Jongin is breaking down in front of him and Kyungsoo feels like he was never supposed to witness this.
Because Jongin is crying and shouting curses like he’s in physical pain, and he hiccups, and his shoulders are shaking and he’s swearing and shouting and he’s destroying everything that he’s spent hours on creating.
All those beautiful things that Jongin painted with his beautiful hands that he’s now destroying with the very same hands again.
Kyungsoo feels a kind of pain in his chest he’s never felt before as he watches Jongin crumble, feels a heavy lump in his throat and his heart nearly breaking apart.
He doesn’t know what’s going on, what it is that caused Jongin to have such a break down but he has no words to calm him down and he can’t move. He remembers Jongin telling him about having these kinds of attacks whenever he got upset but he also remembers Jongin telling him that they’d stopped ever since he learned how to control his anger.
Kyungsoo thinks that whatever happened, it must be really bad to cause Jongin to break down like this.
Minutes pass and Jongin’s heart wrenching sobs are fading out, little whimpers leaving his lips instead. Kyungsoo gulps heavily and blinks the sudden wetness out of his eyes, watches how Jongin goes to tear down the framed paintings now and when the picture comes crashing down on the floor, the glass shattering and flying everywhere, Kyungsoo finally steps in.
Jongin is standing with his back to Kyungsoo when he’s reaching for the other painting and Kyungsoo stops him, presses his palm against Jongin’s back hesitatingly in what he hopes to be a soothing gesture because he doesn’t know what you’re supposed to do in situations like these.
"Jongin…” He says and wishes his voice was more steady but it isn’t, it’s shaking just as much as Jongin’s shoulders. "Please stop.”
"Go away.” Jongin utters. "I don’t want to hurt you.”
Kyungsoo just rubs his palm over his back, showing him that he isn’t leaving. He doesn’t think Jongin would hurt him, even if he’s going through an attack right now.
Jongin hiccups again and after a few seconds, finally lets his arm fall to his side. His head is bent low, like he’s trying to hide and Kyungsoo steps around him slowly.
It’s all such a mess.
"You’re hurt.” Is what Kyungsoo says and he doesn’t know if he means emotionally or physically or just both. His voice cracks when he reaches out to grab Jongin’s wrist where blood is trickling down from the cut on the boy’s palm. "Let’s clean this up.”
He doesn’t know how to deal with this. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.
"Hyung…” Jongin suddenly hiccups and it sounds so broken, so hurt, so lost and Kyungsoo’s mind makes up endless scenarios as to why Jongin is like this and he feels horrible for not being able to help him.
Kyungsoo wants to help him because his heart feels like it’s bursting as he takes in Jongin’s teary eyes.
"Do you need me to leave?” Kyungsoo asks, his fingers curling around Jongin’s wrist tighter when another silent sob racks through Jongin’s body.
Jongin shakes his head. "I don’t know what I’m doing.” He whispers. He sounds out of breath and his voice is hoarse and there are silent tears streaming down his flushed face and the sight hurts Kyungsoo more than he likes to admit.
Jongin is always smiling, he’s always joking around and trying to get Kyungsoo to smile too. He shouldn’t ever do anything else but smile. It’s so wrong.
"I don’t know what to do.” Jongin croaks, sounding like a helpless child.
"It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Kyungsoo whispers, Jongin’s broken voice making his eyes water again before he can stop it. He doesn’t even know what’s going on but he just needs Jongin to feel better. "Come on.”
Kyungsoo guides Jongin into his bedroom and tries not to look around too much because it’s Jongin’s private space and Kyungsoo doesn’t want to intrude any more than he already does.
Kyungsoo walks into the bathroom and searches the cabinets for some kind of bandage and maybe an antiseptic spray. He finds both in one of the many drawers and when he walks back into the bedroom Jongin is laying on the bed, an arm thrown over his eyes as if to hide.
"Jongin.” Kyungsoo softly says to get his attention. Jongin pulls his arm away and blinks up at him. "Let me take a look at your hand.”
Jongin stares at him for a few seconds longer before he sits up and pushes himself closer so he’s sitting at the edge of the bed. Kyungsoo kneels down in front of him and makes Jongin rest his injured hand on his knee.
The cut isn’t too deep so stitches thankfully won’t be needed but he knows how much cuts like that can hurt. Jongin isn’t showing any signs of discomfort though, he just stares at the blood that’s trickling out of the wound and Kyungsoo grows more concerned with every passing second.
He sprays some of the antiseptic on it and cleans it with a cotton ball, carefully dabbing at it, trying not to hurt Jongin any further. Jongin silently watches him do all of it and Kyungsoo feels the hairs on the back of his nape stand on end. He wraps a bandage around Jongin’s palm tightly and makes sure that it holds before picking up the utensils to bring them back into the bathroom.
Jongin is still sitting in the same position when Kyungsoo comes back.
"Is it okay?” Kyungsoo asks carefully.
Jongin doesn’t answer but after a moment he moves his hand, to the inside of his jacket and he pulls out something small, reaches his hand out for Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo hesitantly takes it.
It’s a picture.
It’s a picture of Kyungsoo with that boy next to him in the garden of the orphanage, the one Seulgi gave him a few weeks back. It looks worse than back then, almost like it’s been thrown into the washer on accident.
His hand automatically shoots out to his own jacket, to the pocket on the inside because that’s where he remembers putting it, where he must’ve forgotten to take it out before washing it.
"It must’ve fallen out yesterday.” Jongin croaks.
Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows. He feels like he’s missing out on something.
"That’s you in the picture, isn’t it hyung?” Jongin suddenly asks. Kyungsoo gulps, trying to make sense of the entire situation.
He stares at the picture, turns it around with his heart pounding nervously and he sure enough finds the scribbled letters on the back.
Cheonguk Orphanage, 1998.06.23
So Jongin knows.
"Jongin…” He starts, not really knowing what to say because Jongin wasn’t supposed to find out like this. He wasn’t supposed to find out at all.
"Do you remember the boy next to you?” Jongin asks next and his voice suddenly breaks and Kyungsoo feels his heart skip a beat when Jongin looks up and into his eyes. His eyes are brimming with tears and Kyungsoo wants to wipe them away before they can fall.
Kyungsoo shakes his head no.
Jongin smiles, small and bitter, and the tears fall over his cheeks silently. "Am I really that easy to forget?”
Kyungsoo freezes.
It’s like the entire world just stops around them and Kyungsoo just stares at Jongin with weak knees, hearing nothing but his own increased heartbeat.
He’s not sure he’s breathing anymore.
"W-What?”
Jongin wipes his tears away with the back of his hand, taking a shaky breath. "Now we know why they bought the orphanage.“
"Jongin…” Kyungsoo utters, taking a daring step forward. "What do you mean-”
Jongin looks up again. "I always had a feeling. They don’t have any pictures of me from when I was a baby. They told me they lost them because we used to move so much.”
"Are you-” Kyungsoo starts, mind whirring with everything Jongin just told him. "Are you saying-”
"That I’m adopted?” Jongin mumbles. "Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”
Kyungsoo stares at him, unblinking, and he feels his own heart throbbing in his chest from all the pain in Jongin’s eyes, the betrayal, the hurt.
Jongin is adopted?
It doesn’t seem right. It’s like Kyungsoo’s mind refuses to process the information.
"What?” Kyungsoo’s voice is shaking. "Jongin, this isn’t funny-”
"You think I’m joking?” Jongin asks. "I wish I was. I wish... this was all just a fucking joke.” His voice breaks and Kyungsoo then knows he’s telling the truth.
The room’s silent for a few painful seconds and Kyungsoo tries to find words but he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. What could he even say to make the situation any better?
There’s nothing to say.
Because it’s one thing to know that you’re an orphan all your life but it’s an entirely different thing to find out almost twenty-three years into your life.
"You don’t have to worry about the orphanage anymore.” Jongin mutters. "I’m going to take care of that.”
"Jongin.” Kyungsoo rasps, the picture in his hands shaking. He looks at the two boys, smiling into the camera. He looks at himself, holding the smaller boy to his side tightly. He just can’t wrap his mind around the fact that the little boy is Jongin. That Kyungsoo and him used to be together in the orphanage, playing in the garden, sleeping in the same room.
Kyungsoo tries to remember. He tries to remember really hard but he doesn’t find Jongin in his memories and he doesn’t know why that hurts as much as it does.
"I’m... I’m sorry.”
Jongin looks up at him, his eyes red and puffy. "This isn’t your fault.”
Kyungsoo isn’t just apologizing for this, he’s apologizing for forgetting about him, for not being able to help him, for being such an asshole and for everything else too but he knows this isn’t the right time, not when Jongin’s entire life just turned out to be a lie.
"Can I help you in any way?” Kyungsoo asks, not knowing what else he’s supposed to do.
"I just want to sleep.”
Kyungsoo nods. "Do you... Do you want me to leave?”
Jongin looks at him with tired eyes. "I don’t want to hold you back from work.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head because he knows Jongin wants him to stay despite his words.
So he stays.
13:52 Do Kyungsoo: Please clean up my desk. I’m not coming back today.
13:55 Oh Sehun: k. is everything ok tho? whats going on?
13:56 Do Kyungsoo: I’ll tell you later.
While Jongin sleeps Kyungsoo cleans up the mess in the living room. He tries to sweep away the shards as best as he can but he knows it’ll have to be vacuumed in order to get every little piece but he doesn’t want to wake Jongin up so he just opts for spreading a blanket over the entire area for now.
Most of the drawings are destroyed and it breaks Kyungsoo’s heart, picking up all the pieces because he knows how beautiful they once were.
He knows it’ll break Jongin’s heart even more when he wakes up with a clear mind.
Kyungsoo lays all the pieces out on the huge dining table and fiddles with the torn pieces of Jongin’s art.
He thinks about Jongin’s parents, how they must feel right now. According to Jongin they did what they did to prevent Jongin from finding out that he was adopted.
It doesn’t really make much sense, Kyungsoo doesn’t get how the existence of the orphanage threatened them in any way. It’s not like Jongin was just randomly going to walk into the orphanage out of nowhere unless he had a very valid reason to assume his parents were lying to him.
Kyungsoo doesn’t think it’s right, to keep it from him for such a long time. He knows that most families tell their children as soon as they deem them old enough to understand just what it means that they’re adopted.
But Jongin is twenty-two years old. It’s just... too late, way too late.
He sighs and puts the second drawing he managed to put back together down. It doesn’t look because Kyungsoo’s horrible at crafting but at least you can tell what the drawings are supposed to portray.
Kyungsoo stares down at them and absently reaches for the picture in his pocket. He looks at the two little boys again and wonders why he doesn’t remember Jongin at all.
He wonders if they used to be good friends, even if they were really young back then.
He wonders if Jongin was one of those friends Kyungsoo cried about when they left.
He wonders at what age Jongin left them, why he can’t seem to remember the orphanage at all either.
He wonders if Joohyun or Seulgi will remember him because if this turns out to be true then Soojin will definitely remember everything about Jongin being in the orphanage.
Kyungsoo rubs at his eyes, shaking his head at the turn of events and waits for Jongin to wake up.
He’s been sitting at the table for about two hours - dozing off every now and then - when he hears the soft sounds of footsteps behind him. He turns around and finds Jongin approaching him slowly.
He looks terrible but Kyungsoo doesn’t blame him.
"Do you need something?” Kyungsoo asks.
Jongin shakes his head and stands next to the table, looks down at the drawings and the endless pieces of paper he tore apart hours ago. "No.” He croaks.
Kyungsoo nods and fiddles with the button on his sleeve. Jongin sits down on the chair closest to Kyungsoo and he looks like a lost child, like he doesn’t know what to do next.
He reaches for a piece of one of his drawings, runs his thumb over it. "I’m sorry you had to see that.”
"It’s okay.” Kyungsoo utters without hesitation. He knows that it burdens Jongin, when he gets those... attacks but he definitely isn’t going to be one of those people who will judge him for it. "Don’t apologize.” He eyes Jongin carefully, tries to figure out what Jongin is thinking, how he’s feeling. "Are you okay?”
Jongin stares at the piece of drawing in his hand for a while and eventually shrugs. "I don’t know.” He sighs and lets go of the piece of paper in his hand. "I just found out that my parents were lying to me all this time. I mean, they’re not... even my parents, are they?” He scoffs but there’s no humor behind it, obviously there isn’t.
Nothing about this is funny.
"Do you know what you’re going to do?“ Kyungsoo asks, not sure how much he’s allowed to ask.
"I can’t talk to them. Not yet anyways.” Jongin sighs and rubs at his eyes. His voice cracks and Kyungsoo’s hands twitch from how badly he wants to hold his hand.
"You don’t have to.” Kyungsoo tries.
"Oh, but I do.” Jongin shakes his head. "They’re going to come over-”
The doorbell suddenly rings and both of them look at the door and then into the other’s eyes.
"Is it them?” Kyungsoo asks when Jongin doesn’t move to go open it.
The rings get more urgent with every passing second. "I don’t want to see them.” Jongin croaks.
"Jongin!” Someone suddenly shouts. It’s a female voice so Kyungsoo guesses it’s his mother. "Honey please, please open the door!” She starts pounding against it and Kyungsoo feels his heart throb because her voice sounds so wrecked and desperate. "Jongin, sweetheart, please open the door!”
Kyungsoo gulps when he sees how Jongin’s shoulders are trembling and he’s about to get up and just... do something else but just sit there uselessly and watch him try to hold himself together. He hears a male voice and then the sound of keys jiggling and Jongin immediately tenses, pushes his chair back and moves back and behind Kyungsoo but it’s too late because suddenly the door opens and Jongin’s parents stand in the middle of the hallway.
The woman is dressed perfectly but her eyes are swollen and red rimmed, a hand clasped over her mouth as she gazes at her son while Jongin’s father takes in the entire scene, from the broken frames on the floor to the torn up drawings on the table.
He looks at Kyungsoo and he really wishes he wasn’t here. He’s intruding because none of this is something Kyungsoo is supposed to be witnessing.
"Jongin.” His father speaks, his voice steady, appearance collected while Jongin’s mother moves to step closer to Jongin but the boy holds a hand up, moves away, closer to Kyungsoo instead and the hurt on both their faces is apparent. "Son... We have to talk about this. You have to hear your mother and me out.”
"I don’t have to do anything.” Jongin snaps. From the way both his parents flinch Kyungsoo understands that Jongin normally doesn’t talk back to them like this. Jongin’s never harsh or impolite, at least Kyungsoo has never seen him act like that. "I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say.”
"Jongin.” His mother whimpers but she gets interrupted by his father.
"Please tell your friend to leave.” The man says, clearing his throat as he nods his head to where Kyungsoo is sitting. "This is something that has to be discussed in private.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t want to leave Jongin alone but he knows he has to respect the man’s wish so moves to grab his phone from the table but suddenly Jongin moves and grabs his arm. "No. Don’t go.” He utters quietly, a pleading look in his eyes when Kyungsoo turns to look at him. "Say whatever it is you have to say right now or leave.” Jongin says, looking at his parents again.
The man looks angry more than anything that he’s being told what to do by his son but he probably realizes that he’s not in the position to blame him right now. "Jongin... We understand that you are upset right now. You have every right to be. But we did what we did because we love you. We wanted to protect you.”
"Protect me?” Jongin scoffs. "Are you serious right now? Protect me from what?! The fact that you’re both fucking liars?!”
"Jongin!” His father shouts and Kyungsoo can’t help but flinch at his voice. "Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”
"Why not? I’m allowed to talk to you however I want.” Jongin’s voice breaks. "You’re not my father.”
His father looks like Jongin just spat him in the face while his mother sobs. Kyungsoo gulps, his heart beating uncontrollably as Jongin’s fingers dig into his wrist almost painfully.
"Jongin.” His mother now speaks up. She steps closer and Kyungsoo worries for her safety because she looks like she’s about to faint. Jongin seems to feel the same because his hand jerks at his side, almost like he wants to reach out and help her. She reaches a trembling hand out and holds his face, tears leaking out of her eyes. "We made a mistake. We shouldn’t have kept this from you. But please understand us…” Her face crumples. "I was so scared of losing you. I was scared you would hate us if you found out. I’m still your mother, and he’s still your father. Please don’t do this to us.”
"You lied to me... for so many years. You should have told me. You shouldn’t have kept this from me.” Jongin whispers. "Were you actually ever going to tell me?”
The silence that follows the question is all the answer Jongin needs. "So... not only would you have made me live this lie my entire life but you were also ready to tear those innocent children away from each other just for your own selfish reasons?”
"Son, it’s not like that-”
"Don’t call me son.” Jongin croaks and Kyungsoo sees his shoulders shake again. "I’m not... your son. I don’t- I don’t even know who I’m looking at right now.” His voice breaks as he looks into his parents’ face and all of this is so heart breaking, from the hurt in Jongin’s voice, the desperation in his mother’s face and the way even his father can’t mask the sadness in his eyes.
"Leave.” Jongin suddenly utters.
"Jongin, please don’t do this.” His mother sobs quietly. "Please, sweetheart, please forgive us-”
"Just leave!” He steps away from her and turns around to leave the room. The silence that follows the sound of Jongin’s slamming the door shut is almost unbearable.
Kyungsoo can’t handle this, seeing Jongin’s family on the brink of falling apart.
"Youngho.” Jongin’s mother whimpers, turning around as the man steps forward to bring her into his embrace. "Youngho do something. We can’t lose him…”
Kyungsoo gets up on unsteady legs, unsure as to how he’s supposed to act around them because he knows he had no right to be here, to see such a private moment. Jongin’s father looks at him over his wife’s shoulder, recognition flashing through his wet eyes. "Do Kyungsoo?” He questions and Kyungsoo is slightly surprised that the man still remembers him.
"I’m really sorry for intruding.” Kyungsoo says.
Jongin’s mother turns around in her husband’s embrace, looking into Kyungsoo’s face while she’s still hiccuping softly. "Are you Jongin’s friend?”
Kyungsoo’s mind flashes with pictures of Jongin and him kissing and he tries his best to mask the way his face heats up despite the situation. "We are colleagues.” He hopes it sounds convincing, it’s not entirely wrong at least.
"You are the one who took Jongin to the orphanage.” The woman suddenly says and Kyungsoo’s heart stutters in his chest.
It’s only now that Kyungsoo realizes it.
That Jongin and his parents would be okay if it wasn’t for Kyungsoo.
If Kyungsoo didn’t drag Jongin into any of this he would still live a peaceful life, even if it was a lie, he would at least still have a family.
Kyungsoo destroyed that for him.
He suddenly feels like throwing up, his eyes glazing over and his heart squeezing itself painfully in his chest.
"It’s okay.” She shakes her head once she sees the shocked look on Kyungsoo’s face. "This is not any of your fault. We’re the ones to blame.” She clears her throat, wiping at her tears with a tissue. "The truth had to come out one day. Maybe... Maybe this was for the best.”
"I’m... I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo utters helplessly.
He can’t help but feel that he did all of this to Jongin.
But he never wanted anything bad for Jongin, he doesn’t think he could hurt him even if he tried, so thinking that he’s the one who brought all of this upon him makes him feel like some kind of monster.
"No. We are the ones who are supposed to apologize.” Jongin’s father suddenly speaks. "Jongin told us that you had friends working there. It was not our intention to cause anyone harm with our actions.”
Kyungsoo slowly nods his head, not really knowing what he’s supposed to say at this point.
"Please don’t think of us as heartless people.“ Jongin’s mother speaks. "We did what we did because we love our son. Our methods weren’t right but you don’t understand how much you would do as a parent to not lose your child.”
He swallows around the lump in his throat, nodding again for a lack of words. He knows that weeks before he was hating on both these people for doing that to the kids at the orphanage but now he just... he feels sorry.
Kyungsoo clears his throat. He suddenly just wants to go see Jongin, wants to apologize, wants to make sure he’s okay, wants to make things okay between him and his parents. "I know this is not my business. But I think you should give Jongin some time for himself. This must be a lot to take in and he’s probably really worked up right now and not thinking clearly... I’m sure he didn’t mean those things.”
Jongin’s mother puts on a brave smile and nods her head. "Please tell him to talk to us as soon as he’s ready. And if he needs anything... just please call us.”
Kyungsoo nods but he feels uneasy because no matter how close Jongin and him got yesterday, they’re still not what could be considered close. He feels like Chanyeol should be here rather than him.
Jongin’s father nods his head at Kyungsoo before he wraps an arm around his wife, guiding her out of the apartment. The door shuts behind them with a soft click and Kyungsoo lets out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he rubs a hand over his face.
When he enters Jongin’s bedroom a moment later he does it after making sure that Jongin is fine with him being here by knocking on the door and waiting for the boy to come open it since he really isn’t sure if he’s bothering Jongin by being here or not.
Jongin opens the door and looks at Kyungsoo nervously. "Sorry.”
"Sorry?” Kyungsoo cautiously asks, trailing after Jongin and sitting down on the bed when Jongin does.
"For dragging you into this.” Jongin mumbles. His voice sounds hoarse and he brings his hands up to rub at his eyes with his knuckles, the action making him look incredibly young and somewhat vulnerable.
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for me. I’m the one who’s supposed to apologize. I used you for my own selfish reasons and now... you got hurt because of it. Because of me.”
"What?” Jongin turns to face Kyungsoo, his knee pressing into Kyungsoo’s thigh. The touch is strangely comforting, grounding and also not enough. "Hyung, no. Don’t even think about blaming yourself. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have even known my parents were lying to me and Naeun and Taeil, everyone at the orphanage would’ve gotten hurt way worse. This is…” Jongin shrugs and when Kyungsoo finally looks up at him he sees how Jongin’s lips twitch and Kyungsoo holds back a pathetic whimper at how hurt Jongin looks despite his words. "Sure, this sucks but it’s... it’s just how life is, yeah?”
Kyungsoo looks into Jongin’s eyes, feels his heart swell with affection for him when Jongin tries to smile despite everything. The emotions feel like waves crashing over him and he can fight them all he wants, knowing very well it’s a fight he was never meant to win in the first place.
"Is there anything I can do for you?” Kyungsoo asks.
Jongin shakes his head, the exhaustion apparent on his face. It’s silent for a moment and suddenly, Kyungsoo feels really tired himself. "Why didn’t you tell me?”
"Tell you what?”
"The actual reason you feel so strongly about the orphanage.“
And naturally, Kyungsoo’s first instinct is to shake his head and come up with a lie but when they’re lying on the bed a moment later, both of them staring at the ceiling while they’re battling their own thoughts, Kyungsoo feels the resolve in his chest crumble piece by piece.
"People usually don’t react well to it.” Kyungsoo mumbles, his words followed by the sound of rain hitting the broad windows lining the walls of Jongin’s bedroom.
Jongin turns his head and Kyungsoo feels his eyes following the side of his profile. "A lot of people are... adopted, hyung. There’s nothing wrong with that.” He sounds unconvinced, like he knows how hypocritical he sounds while trying to reassure Kyungsoo.
"I know.” Kyungsoo gulps and briefly closes his eyes as to brace himself. "But I wasn’t adopted.”
The sound of rain has never sounded more violent in Kyungsoo’s ears and he has never wanted to hear Jongin’s voice as much as now because him being silent makes Kyungsoo’s anxiety spike in ways it rarely ever has before.
Jongin shifts beside him and then he’s leaning up onto his elbows, his face looming above Kyungsoo as he looks down at him, confusion painting his handsome face. "What?”
Their eyes are locked on each other and Kyungsoo can barely think past the beauty of Jongin’s eyes and the memory of the taste of his lips, his chest hurting from the fear of the possibility of Jongin’s usually warm eyes being filled with disgust. "I was never adopted, Jongin. I’m still... I’m still an orphan.”
"Hyung…” Jongin utters.
"I left the orphanage when I turned eighteen.” He continues, just wanting to get it all out because he doesn’t want to talk about this later on anymore. "I don’t have a family. But you... you do. And I can only imagine how you must feel right now Jongin, but they’re still your parents. They gave you love and a roof over your head, they gave you safety and that’s what parents are supposed to do, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo sighs and lifts his eyes once again, almost unable to look into Jongin’s because they’re so close and so intense. "You can take as much time as you need but don’t push them away. Please.”
Jongin blinks down at him and Kyungsoo sees him gulp heavily when he leans down closer, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "So you were alone all your life and I... I grew up with a wealthy family just because they chose to adopt me.”
"Hey,” He mumbles, confused when he sees how Jongin’s eyes are glistening. He doesn’t want Jongin to feel bad about something that isn’t his fault.
"How is it fair?”
"Jongin. Stop. It’s okay, there are worse things in the world.”
They stare at each other for a while and Kyungsoo waits for Jongin’s eyes to stop watering, his hand carefully holding onto the boy’s arm.
"Why can’t I remember you?” Jongin asks. "I feel like I should remember you. I want to remember you.”
"We were kids, Jongin.” Kyungsoo shrugs, still feeling slightly overwhelmed by the fact that him and Jongin used to live at the orphanage together.
"Can we go to the orphanage tomorrow?” The younger asks quietly. "I just- I have questions. Maybe they can help.”
Kyungsoo nods. "Of course. They will be really happy to see you. Especially Taeil. He still talks about you all the time.” He knows that the kids are probably the last thing on Jongin’s mind right now but Kyungsoo’s just trying to take his mind off from everything else that’s happening right now.
And Jongin even smiles at the mention of the little boy. "I feel really bad about not visiting for so long.”
"It’s not your fault.” Kyungsoo clears his throat. "I was the one being stubborn.”
It’s like the first time they’re acknowledging what happened between them the day before, Kyungsoo can tell by the way Jongin’s eyes go soft as he looks down at him.
"Is that... Is that why you kept pushing me away?” Jongin asks, his voice barely louder than a whisper.
"What?”
"Because you’re. I mean, because you were alone all your life?” Jongin looks at him carefully, like he doesn’t want to say something wrong. "I’m sorry, I don’t mean to... I’m sorry.”
It takes Kyungsoo a moment to understand what Jongin means and once he does he feels vulnerable again, since he isn’t one to talk about things like that, usually keeping it inside. "I’ve never felt like this before. I think... I was scared.” He still is but he doesn’t say it out loud when he sees how Jongin gives him a solemn smile. "I’m not sure I know how to... express these kind of feelings.”
"That’s okay.” Jongin mumbles. "I can show you.” He looks very unsure about his next move, despite them talking things through yesterday but he ends up brushing his thumb over Kyungsoo’s cheek softly and the warmth in his eyes makes Kyungsoo’s heart flutter. "We can figure things out together, right?”
The spot Jongin touched is warming up and Kyungsoo can’t help but look at Jongin admiringly, his hands itching to pull him down and kiss his lips.
He knows they have a lot to figure out, especially with everything that’s happened today. Kyungsoo wouldn’t have ever thought that Jongin and him had a past that was somehow rooted with the other’s so all of this is a lot to take in, more so for Jongin whose life more or less just turned upside down.
Kyungsoo gives Jongin a reassuring smile because the younger looks like he needs it. "Okay.”
Jongin and him don’t talk much after that. They lie on Jongin’s bed with the younger drifting in and out of sleep, his eyes darkening from time to time. Kyungsoo sees the storm inside his eyes and he keeps hoping that his silent presence is enough support because he honestly doesn’t know how he could help him. After some time, Jongin reaches out to take Kyungsoo’s hand, lacing their fingers together and it makes Kyungsoo feel bad, how hesitant the younger is about it, like he doesn’t know how to act around Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo gets that his cautiousness makes Jongin be wary around him as well so he squeezes their palms together, tightens his fingers around Jongin’s and turns on his side to look into his eyes reassuringly. Because he likes being so close to Jongin, he likes touching him, likes looking at him, likes how one look out of Jongin’s handsome eyes makes him forget about everything bad, but there’s no way he can say it out loud so he hopes his thoughts convey through his actions.
He makes Jongin some food when he hears his stomach rumble and they eat it at the isle in the kitchen, listening to the heavy rain outside. Jongin gives him a cute smile upon tasting the food and basically eats the entire pot and Kyungsoo can’t help but feel warm all over because of how nice it feels to make the boy smile even during such a tough situation. When Sehun texts him that he is waiting outside, Jongin’s face falls and before Kyungsoo even has the chance to feel bad, get up to grab Kyungsoo’s jacket. He helps him slip it on and it’s so ridiculous, how silent and careful both of them are being.
"You can... you can call me if you need anything.” Kyungsoo clears his throat, looking up at Jongin to see if the boy is okay because he feels bad for leaving but he’s also not sure if Jongin wants him around any longer since he didn’t say anything.
It’s probably better for Jongin to be alone anyways.
"I will.” Jongin smiles and Kyungsoo fights the urge to run his thumb over the thin skin underneath his eyes. "Thank you, hyung.”
And then Jongin leans in and before Kyungsoo could figure out what he wants Jongin grabs his arm to pull him in, his arms winding around Kyungsoo’s waist while he nestles his face into the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck despite the difference in height. Kyungsoo exhales heavily, his shoulders dropping as an odd sense of relief washes over him upon feeling Jongin so close again.
He doesn’t understand why, but he suddenly feels unexplainably protective over Jongin. He wraps his arms around the younger’s frame and feels Jongin melt into his embrace, tired and pliant and Kyungsoo wishes he knew how to take some of his burden away. They hold each other for a moment, Kyungsoo’s eyes pressed closed as Jongin rubs his palm over the small of Kyungsoo’s back soothingly.
Kyungsoo wants to kiss him, he feels his skin prickle from how much he wants to taste Jongin’s lips again because his warmth and scent make him feel heady like nothing else before. But this isn’t the right time, it definitely isn’t, so he pulls away and leaves after they exchange what has to be the most timid smiles either of them have ever worn on their faces.
Sehun greets him with a "Is everything okay?” to which Kyungsoo nods his head with what he hopes to be a reassuring smile. Thankfully, Sehun for once doesn’t flood him with questions during the drive, giving Kyungsoo some time to collect his thoughts before he starts explaining his best friend the entire situation.
Kyungsoo doesn’t even notice that they’ve arrived at his apartment until Sehun waves his hand in front of Kyungsoo’s face.
"Earth to Kyungsoo?” Sehun scoffs when Kyungsoo turns to give him a confused look. "Are you okay?”
"Yeah. Sorry.”
Sehun doesn’t look convinced but he doesn’t push it any further and Kyungsoo wonders if this is Junmyeon’s work because usually, Sehun would not lay off this easily. "People are talking, at the office.”
"About what?”
"Jongin.” Sehun studies Kyungsoo’s face for any kind of reaction but when he finds nothing he sighs. "Is he really adopted?”
Kyungsoo’s head snaps up at that, confusion and anger swimming in his eyes. "W-Who told you that?”
Jongin only found out this morning; how did words travel so fast? And who on earth thought it was okay to spread that kind of personal information?
"One of the interns overheard them.” Sehun explains. "And obviously couldn’t keep her mouth shut. I’m pretty sure Taemin’s going to fire her as soon as he finds out.”
Kyungsoo hides his face in his hands, shaking his head tiredly. It was only a matter of time until one of those assholes was going to sell the information to some reporter and from there, the news would spread all over the media.
"This is so wrong.” Kyungsoo utters, wanting nothing more than to slip into his bed and sleep and pretend that none of this is happening.
Whether he likes it or not, Jongin is important to him - that boy is all that’s on Kyungsoo’s mind all the time - and all of this is just too much to take in for two days.
"Is he okay?” Sehun wants to know.
"I don’t know. He seems to be as okay as someone can be in that situation.”
Sehun nods and then his expression turns serious, slightly anxious too. "Hyung?”
"What?”
"Do you and Jongin know each other?” He asks, making Kyungsoo look up and into his eyes. "Did you know each other before you started working for Taemin?”
Sometimes Kyungsoo forgets how smart his best friend is and sometimes he really just wishes he wasn’t just that smart. "So you figured it out.”
"Oh my god.” Sehun laughs nervously, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish "This is like some kind of TV drama shit…” He clears his throat, putting on a more serious expression. "And you both really didn’t recognize each other?”
"Sehun, we were... like five years old back then.” Kyungsoo doesn’t even know how old they were, he knows that on the picture Kyungsoo had to be at least five years old. He doesn’t know about Jongin, doesn’t know when he left the orphanage... Saying it out loud, thinking about it like this, only serves to make all of this feel more surreal.
"Okay. Sorry, you’re right.” Sehun taps his fingers against the steering wheel, a steady sound following the raindrops that are hitting the windscreen. "I’m guessing the orphanage’s safe now?”
Kyungsoo shrugs. He can’t even feel happy about it, not when Jongin’s hurting because of it. "I guess so.”
"Alright... One last question.” Sehun says after a beat. "Did you kiss?”
Kyungsoo stares at him for a moment before he unbuckles his seatbelt. "Thanks for picking me up.” He reaches for the door handle and is about to get out because he’s definitely not going to talk to Sehun about him and Jongin, especially when he doesn’t even get it himself.
"No!“ Sehun laughs and leans over him to shut the door again. "Hyung, please. What happened to you trying to be a better friend? I know you hate talking about this stuff but please don’t leave me hanging here. I just want to know what’s going on, don’t I deserve to know as much as your best friend?”
"What do you want to know?” Kyungsoo’s hand stills at the door.
"Did you kiss?”
Kyungsoo grits his teeth together and glares at the window.
"Yes.”
Sehun seems taken aback that Kyungsoo actually answered, a disturbed look crossing his face. "You did?”
Kyungsoo keeps silent, trying not to think about it too much in fear of doing something stupid, like blushing.
"Wow... Hyung. I’m proud of you. Even if it’s, you know. Kim Jongin.” Sehun makes a face like he’s going to be sick and Kyungsoo can’t even find it in himself to be mad, too worn out from the day’s events.
Kyungsoo pushes the door open. "Thanks for picking me up.”
"I’m happy for you!” Sehun rushes out before Kyungsoo closes the door into his face.
It’s a good thing Sehun doesn’t see the stupid redness on Kyungsoo’s cheeks while he walks up the stairs to his apartment.
Jongin doesn’t show up at the office the next day. Not that Kyungsoo expected him to but as
soon as he arrives at his workplace several heads shoot up to turn his way.
Kyungsoo ignores the stares, ignores the whispers and greets Sehun who’s already waiting for him at his cubicle, giving him an almost apologizing smile.
"They saw you going after him yesterday.” Sehun mumbles quietly, arms resting on the edges of his cubicle, his chin pressed on top of them. "People think you have something going on.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes flicker up, catching a few interns quickly turning their heads away upon getting caught staring at him. He shakes his head and looks down at his keyboard. He wonders what Jongin is doing. How he is doing. "Let them think whatever they want.”
He honestly couldn’t care less about his image or stupid rumors right now. He just wants to help Jongin fix things, wants to help him find it in himself to forgive his parents for their mistake, no matter how much time it’ll take. He also wants to sort out Jongin’s past. Their past at the orphanage.
"Yeah.” Sehun mumbles, eyeing him carefully. "I think Taemin caught up on it too, though.”
Kyungsoo looks up and meets his best friends’ worried eyes, opening his mouth to ask him where that assumption is coming from but he gets interrupted.
"Kyungsoo?“
He looks up to find Taemin’s personal assistant Jihyun standing next to Sehun. "Yes?”
She smiles at him, her hands clasped around her iPad. "Do you have a minute? Mr. Lee wants you to meet him in his office.”
Sehun’s eyes widen when Kyungsoo quickly glances at him. "Right now?”
"If it’s convenient for you, yes.”
He gets up from his seat. "Okay.”
When he follows her through the office, walking past all the endless cubicles, he can feel everyone’s curious eyes on him as he stares at Jihyun’s curled hair bouncing with every step
she takes, the sound of her high heels hitting the ground louder than all the hushed whispers around them.
So this is it?
He’s getting fired.
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